When someone tells you, "I adore you", what would you do? Someone texted me this.. Wow! An sarap sa pakiramdam. Lalo pa na sya yung tipong di mo eexpekin na magsasabi sayo ng ganun..
Right now, I am just thankful, appreciative that someone, at least someone, told me that I am being adored..
I will not bother to think anymore yung part na pressure din yun to me kasi what if malaman nya yung hidden in my pandora's box. How will that someone take it? Further, how will you take the possible reaction that person will have? Will he or she still adore you?
Anyway, come what may..
Ikaw, ilan na ang nagsabi sayo na "I adore you?"
Monday, August 25, 2008
ENVY
Until at this very moment, I still could not decipher quite frankly why some poeple are so envious of me. Ahmm, please bear with me when I am claiming this way. It is not that I am bragging or being just too over confident in reading the gestures and even putting malicious meanings to the words being uttered by other people who i perceive to be envious of me. It is just that at times I could not help it anymore to come to this horrendous conclusion. Besides, would not there be smoke if there is no fire? Could be, noh?
Last Saturday, I was really thankful that it was brown-out in Legazpi City. You see, I am pursuing my doctorate degree in Philosophy major in Education Foundation. Well, I am excited in the every saturday meeting that my classes are having except for the last time because it was our midterm examination in Methods of Research. Because of the brown-out, our ever considerate Dr. Mascariñas just checked the attendance and dismissed us already. So, I was able to go back to Sorsogon early.
While on the way home, I texted a student-friend if I could spend my time overnight in their place. We could eat chicken, and grill hotdogs too while texting and chatting. My friend texted his mom. Fortunately, madam so willingly agreed and gave her nod.
Soon, I was already in bacon. It was a nice place. Immediately, we realized that the night will be one good funny, memorable, unstoppable one. It was started when we were trying to light the charcoal so we could start grilling the hotdogs we bought from the downtown. Funny, because despite the ten peso gas that we bought plus the carton we lit using our gray lighter, alas, the charcoal could not just be lit. Huh! I told my friend, don't you think it's all wet? Well, who knows. It all happened in one hour. We were already there at 6:00 PM, and this realization came at about 7:15 PM. Hmm, more than an hour! heheh
Since all possibilities have already been employed to no avail, my student decided to invite his cousin who he saw nearby. He asked me if he could use my crypton Z. I permitted. When they returned like thirty minutes after, he was already with cousin who seemed to have failed to immediately recognize me. I, too, did not notice that he was the same person I was introduced to the last time I went to that place. His name is prime or that was how he was called.
Prime did not waste his time. Alas, with just a few gas, a flicker of light and a blow from here and there, the charcoal was like a lava. Wow! awesome. It was already about 8PM. We were laughing at this juncture -- laughing at our stupidity for trying to light the first charcoal for about an hour when our savior was just around the corner. This is on top of the bites of the ants that made us hop and scratch around the grilling area. hahaha And ey, I just realized now that the first charcoal was bought from Susan for P18 while the last one was bought from another vendor for just P5. Hmm, I believe that made the first one more expensive than the second charcoal by about P13 is the water in the charcoal ha? heheh
Soon, we were grilling the hotdogs. And, wallah!, all the hotdogs were done in ten minutes. Whatduh! Imagine, it just took us 10 minutes to do this stuff and the preparation lasted for like one hour and thirty minutes plus all those bites? Grrrr!
Anyway, on the positive light, is it these things that made the occasion more memorable. Don;t you think? A little later, we were already eating dinner. Hotdogs plus the tradition, hmm, roasted chicken we bought from LCC Sorsogon. It is a tradition because every time I go to jam with my two close friends (Jade and John), we always have this to tinker and munch..
As we were enjoying the food and a bottle of my favorite San Mig Lite (for me) and Red Horse (for Jade and Prime), I was told by the two that someone from the administration office saw them driving my bike. He was approached by this guy and asked him why he was using my crypton Z. My friend responded that I lent it to him. Do you know what the response was? It was very simple yet distasteful. He said he will tell the administration about this and even made further insinuations which I found to be preposterous, absurd and unbecoming.
"Mayad ka pa ha kay inpapagamit sana na motor niya. Dae pa lamang ako nakagamit sana" was added too. Roughly translated, "good for you because you are allowed to use his motorbike. I have not used than since."
Good thing though because my friend did not make anymore comment and instead just left the place.
Hmm, one thing came into my mind: "ENVY"... What can you say?
Last Saturday, I was really thankful that it was brown-out in Legazpi City. You see, I am pursuing my doctorate degree in Philosophy major in Education Foundation. Well, I am excited in the every saturday meeting that my classes are having except for the last time because it was our midterm examination in Methods of Research. Because of the brown-out, our ever considerate Dr. Mascariñas just checked the attendance and dismissed us already. So, I was able to go back to Sorsogon early.
While on the way home, I texted a student-friend if I could spend my time overnight in their place. We could eat chicken, and grill hotdogs too while texting and chatting. My friend texted his mom. Fortunately, madam so willingly agreed and gave her nod.
Soon, I was already in bacon. It was a nice place. Immediately, we realized that the night will be one good funny, memorable, unstoppable one. It was started when we were trying to light the charcoal so we could start grilling the hotdogs we bought from the downtown. Funny, because despite the ten peso gas that we bought plus the carton we lit using our gray lighter, alas, the charcoal could not just be lit. Huh! I told my friend, don't you think it's all wet? Well, who knows. It all happened in one hour. We were already there at 6:00 PM, and this realization came at about 7:15 PM. Hmm, more than an hour! heheh
Since all possibilities have already been employed to no avail, my student decided to invite his cousin who he saw nearby. He asked me if he could use my crypton Z. I permitted. When they returned like thirty minutes after, he was already with cousin who seemed to have failed to immediately recognize me. I, too, did not notice that he was the same person I was introduced to the last time I went to that place. His name is prime or that was how he was called.
Prime did not waste his time. Alas, with just a few gas, a flicker of light and a blow from here and there, the charcoal was like a lava. Wow! awesome. It was already about 8PM. We were laughing at this juncture -- laughing at our stupidity for trying to light the first charcoal for about an hour when our savior was just around the corner. This is on top of the bites of the ants that made us hop and scratch around the grilling area. hahaha And ey, I just realized now that the first charcoal was bought from Susan for P18 while the last one was bought from another vendor for just P5. Hmm, I believe that made the first one more expensive than the second charcoal by about P13 is the water in the charcoal ha? heheh
Soon, we were grilling the hotdogs. And, wallah!, all the hotdogs were done in ten minutes. Whatduh! Imagine, it just took us 10 minutes to do this stuff and the preparation lasted for like one hour and thirty minutes plus all those bites? Grrrr!
Anyway, on the positive light, is it these things that made the occasion more memorable. Don;t you think? A little later, we were already eating dinner. Hotdogs plus the tradition, hmm, roasted chicken we bought from LCC Sorsogon. It is a tradition because every time I go to jam with my two close friends (Jade and John), we always have this to tinker and munch..
As we were enjoying the food and a bottle of my favorite San Mig Lite (for me) and Red Horse (for Jade and Prime), I was told by the two that someone from the administration office saw them driving my bike. He was approached by this guy and asked him why he was using my crypton Z. My friend responded that I lent it to him. Do you know what the response was? It was very simple yet distasteful. He said he will tell the administration about this and even made further insinuations which I found to be preposterous, absurd and unbecoming.
"Mayad ka pa ha kay inpapagamit sana na motor niya. Dae pa lamang ako nakagamit sana" was added too. Roughly translated, "good for you because you are allowed to use his motorbike. I have not used than since."
Good thing though because my friend did not make anymore comment and instead just left the place.
Hmm, one thing came into my mind: "ENVY"... What can you say?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Basta Utang, Binabayaran
Let me ask you this: What do you do when you come across someone who borrowed money from you and has not paid you until that moment when your paths crossed? Hmm, let me guess.
letter a. You say hi and pretend as if you forgot his debt to you?
letter b. You say hi and ask him when he is going to pay you the money?
letter c. You say hi and concoct a story about someone who borrowed money from you then never bothered to pay back hoping your story would make him remember his duty to you?
letter d. You say hi and ask if the money he borrowed from you really helped him a lot?
letter e. You say hi and you ask him how your money he borrowed from you helped him during his dire need (putting emphasis on the word "dire")?
letter f. You say hi and slowly emotes and tries to shed tears hoping he would remember how his face looked when he was borrowing money from you (ala Christopher de leon)?
letter g. You say hi and tell him to consider the money he borrowed from you as you "donation"?
letter h. You feel ashamed to approach him so you do your best to avoid him by diverting to another path?
letter i. You feel ashamed to see him eye-to-eye because he might feel that the way you are looking at him is simply saying: "Hoy, utang mo.. magbayad ka na!"?
letter j. You ignore him and make him feel you are angry about his continued silence and seemingly lack of intent to pay the money he owes you?
letter k. You approach him, grab his chin, pulls it down and rubs his face onto the floor then you tell him "quits!"
hay buhay, there could be so many creative ways to approach this situation: someone borrowed money from you and debtor gives you this "ni ha, ni ho" attitude.. Sadly, when I cross paths with him, I could not even look at him eye-to-eye because I feel ashamed to approach him because he might think I am already that poor to get back the money from him. But seriously speaking, patuloy akong nagtataka sa sarili ko na why do I feel so uncomfortable when I am faced with this situation samantalang ako na nga ang nahiraman ng pera at sya yata ang may obligasyon.
I remember for several times now na debtors even become more creative. Nakakasuya. nakakainis. Nakakapoanggagong pakiramdaman pero ala akong magawa. Siyeeett na malagkit.
Minsan, papangakuan akong magbabayad na saken sa ganitong araw. SO here I am naman nagpabola so expect naman ako. Wait for that day to come only to find out na di naman magbabayad. Pero, ayos na rin yung ganito kasi I know that that person has not forgotten his obligation to me. AT least, di dedma, b d? Pero, kainis pa rin.
Minsan din, hihingin sakin ang ATM savings account number ko. Tas itetex akong on the way na sya sa bank to deposit the money. Yun lang. So, expect na naman me. Go sa Gaisano tas saving account balance inquiry. POweeh! Puta! P12.00 pa rin ang account balance. Waaah, how do I go back home. Buti na lang, may nakaipit na ninoy sa aking mejas.
Minsan din, pupunta sa tinitirhan ko. Tutunog ang door bell. Lalabas ako to see who just rang the bell. Wow, to my eyes' delight. Weee, magbabayad na sya. Papapasukin tas aalukin ng drinks newei magbabayad na. Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan and more kwentuhan tas bigla syang mag eemote. Luluha ang kanyang kaliwang mata tas sabay sasabihin " jonjon, pwede pa ba akong makahiram ng pera sayo kasi...." ayun, di ko na naririnig kung ano pa ang mga sinasabi nya. Bigla akong natulala. No! No! Nehypnotize siguro kasi bigla ko na lang nakita ang sarili kong kinukuha ang wallet ko sa likod ng pantalon ko, binubuksan, at kumukuha ang dalawang libong piso -- apat na pirasong ninoy -- sabay sabing " cge, eto o, sana makatulong ito. Pay when able na lang." Sabay bigay sa kanya ng pera at agad syang tatayo at magpapaalam. Waaah! Dumilim ang paningin ko., Hinimatay ako!
Minsan din, daratnan ko na lang sa tinitirhan ko yung may utang saken. May dalang bayabas, saging, duhat at kung ano ano pa. Tengk yu agad ako. Sya namang sabay sabing: "Wan tawsand por hundred pipti pesos ang halaga ng lahat ng yan, ibawas mo na lang sa utang ko sayo." Hay, kaya nga I do not wonder anymore why there are some people who can kill.
Marami pa sana akong kwento kaso masyado ng mahaba itong blog ko about utang. Kasing haba ng listahan ng taong may mga utang saken. Eh, kayo, anung experience nyo? E Blog nyo rin tas i text mo yung blog site mo dun sa mga may utang sayo hoping na pag nabasa nya eh maramdaman nyang ang utang ay binabayaran at higit sa lahat na sya yung unnamed subject mo dun sa blog mo... Bato bato sa langit! weeee.... hekhekhek
ey, dragonfly, naalala kita nung Lunes..
letter a. You say hi and pretend as if you forgot his debt to you?
letter b. You say hi and ask him when he is going to pay you the money?
letter c. You say hi and concoct a story about someone who borrowed money from you then never bothered to pay back hoping your story would make him remember his duty to you?
letter d. You say hi and ask if the money he borrowed from you really helped him a lot?
letter e. You say hi and you ask him how your money he borrowed from you helped him during his dire need (putting emphasis on the word "dire")?
letter f. You say hi and slowly emotes and tries to shed tears hoping he would remember how his face looked when he was borrowing money from you (ala Christopher de leon)?
letter g. You say hi and tell him to consider the money he borrowed from you as you "donation"?
letter h. You feel ashamed to approach him so you do your best to avoid him by diverting to another path?
letter i. You feel ashamed to see him eye-to-eye because he might feel that the way you are looking at him is simply saying: "Hoy, utang mo.. magbayad ka na!"?
letter j. You ignore him and make him feel you are angry about his continued silence and seemingly lack of intent to pay the money he owes you?
letter k. You approach him, grab his chin, pulls it down and rubs his face onto the floor then you tell him "quits!"
hay buhay, there could be so many creative ways to approach this situation: someone borrowed money from you and debtor gives you this "ni ha, ni ho" attitude.. Sadly, when I cross paths with him, I could not even look at him eye-to-eye because I feel ashamed to approach him because he might think I am already that poor to get back the money from him. But seriously speaking, patuloy akong nagtataka sa sarili ko na why do I feel so uncomfortable when I am faced with this situation samantalang ako na nga ang nahiraman ng pera at sya yata ang may obligasyon.
I remember for several times now na debtors even become more creative. Nakakasuya. nakakainis. Nakakapoanggagong pakiramdaman pero ala akong magawa. Siyeeett na malagkit.
Minsan, papangakuan akong magbabayad na saken sa ganitong araw. SO here I am naman nagpabola so expect naman ako. Wait for that day to come only to find out na di naman magbabayad. Pero, ayos na rin yung ganito kasi I know that that person has not forgotten his obligation to me. AT least, di dedma, b d? Pero, kainis pa rin.
Minsan din, hihingin sakin ang ATM savings account number ko. Tas itetex akong on the way na sya sa bank to deposit the money. Yun lang. So, expect na naman me. Go sa Gaisano tas saving account balance inquiry. POweeh! Puta! P12.00 pa rin ang account balance. Waaah, how do I go back home. Buti na lang, may nakaipit na ninoy sa aking mejas.
Minsan din, pupunta sa tinitirhan ko. Tutunog ang door bell. Lalabas ako to see who just rang the bell. Wow, to my eyes' delight. Weee, magbabayad na sya. Papapasukin tas aalukin ng drinks newei magbabayad na. Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan and more kwentuhan tas bigla syang mag eemote. Luluha ang kanyang kaliwang mata tas sabay sasabihin " jonjon, pwede pa ba akong makahiram ng pera sayo kasi...." ayun, di ko na naririnig kung ano pa ang mga sinasabi nya. Bigla akong natulala. No! No! Nehypnotize siguro kasi bigla ko na lang nakita ang sarili kong kinukuha ang wallet ko sa likod ng pantalon ko, binubuksan, at kumukuha ang dalawang libong piso -- apat na pirasong ninoy -- sabay sabing " cge, eto o, sana makatulong ito. Pay when able na lang." Sabay bigay sa kanya ng pera at agad syang tatayo at magpapaalam. Waaah! Dumilim ang paningin ko., Hinimatay ako!
Minsan din, daratnan ko na lang sa tinitirhan ko yung may utang saken. May dalang bayabas, saging, duhat at kung ano ano pa. Tengk yu agad ako. Sya namang sabay sabing: "Wan tawsand por hundred pipti pesos ang halaga ng lahat ng yan, ibawas mo na lang sa utang ko sayo." Hay, kaya nga I do not wonder anymore why there are some people who can kill.
Marami pa sana akong kwento kaso masyado ng mahaba itong blog ko about utang. Kasing haba ng listahan ng taong may mga utang saken. Eh, kayo, anung experience nyo? E Blog nyo rin tas i text mo yung blog site mo dun sa mga may utang sayo hoping na pag nabasa nya eh maramdaman nyang ang utang ay binabayaran at higit sa lahat na sya yung unnamed subject mo dun sa blog mo... Bato bato sa langit! weeee.... hekhekhek
ey, dragonfly, naalala kita nung Lunes..
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I MISS YOU A LOT (NOON YUN, DI NA NGAYON)
Emotional Intelligence is defined as the ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotion of one's self, of others and of groups. It has several dimensions namely self-awareness, expression of emotion , understanding emotion, emotional reasoning, self-management of emotion, management of other's emotions and emotional self-control.
Dito ko in-anchor ang aking much delayed blog for today. Kasi, it is at this juncture where the latest trend between me and the dragonfly seems to be evolving. Whether I must choose to let go or not is a very big question? Because foremost, I thought I have let go already. But then, I have realized, I am still hooked.
When I was a little kid, I fell from a tree but I managed to hold on to a branch. The excruciating pain of holding on was too much to bear. The sweat, the agony, the fear of what lies ahead seem to engulfed me. But at one point in time, there was the realization of the what if's. Soon, I have decided to let go. I loosened my tight grip and fell. While I was falling, yeah, I got scared but all i could remember was the feeling of freedom, that wonderful feeling of letting go. Yes, it was painful but it was better that way knowing that at the end of holding on, there would still be the pain because at one point in time, I will no longer be able to hold on and will eventually fall. So why prolong the agony when the end is still eminent?
This situation is very similar to my connection with the dragonfly.
Mahirap pala ang ganito. Parang sa ibang tao, mamimis-interpret nila ako na isang plastic, in self-denial, self-centered. But quite frankly, it comes from the bottom of my heart. Aba, mahirap yata yung lolokohin ko ang sarili kong emotion. I may be able to fool other people but I can not fool my self. And I always believe that those who fool themselves are the foolest of all the fools. Wow, i can not do that to myself.
Looking at it objectively, I came to a point of knowing an answer to why I am like this. It redounds to my emotional intelligence. I easily process my emotion because I do intrsopections so that I will be able to objectively understand this very subjective emotion. And I found out that when one understands his or her emotion together with the way he or she expresses this emotion, that person will be able to manage well that emotion and process it to a much improved or, say, a much better emotion. Yun bang, for example, if I am feeling like I am lonely because I miss a very dear person, halimbawa si dragonfly, kasi bihirang bihira ko syang makita or magtext man lang saken, nabibigyan ko yun ng rason na di nya pagtext or pagpapakita sakin. Kaya nagagawan ko ng paraan na makumbinsi ang sarili ko na di dapat ganun ang ma-feel ko as a whole. Halimbawa, I convince myself na kaya di sya nakakaganun saken kasi nag-aaral sya, busy sya dahil may exams or projects na ginagawa. Eh ako pa naman, I consider education o yung paggawa ng project at pag-aaral ng lessons to be a very valid reason.
Yan ang coping mechanism ko. For other people, cheating one's self daw but for me it is not. It is deviating through the provision of a convincing valid reason. And of course, I recourse my pre-occupation to something or someone else. But my problem at times is that, because I understand, it comes to a point that I no longer miss the person. It like I easily get accustomed to the absence or hibernation. Kung kaya, when we meet, hmm, the intensity of the emotion is no longer at the level as it was before the processing of my emotion took place.
Further, eto na. Because the passion is subsiding, when we again part ways, the degree of my missing the person, bumababa na rin. The cycle goes on until such time na, ala ng emotion or feeling attached.
Dito ko in-anchor ang aking much delayed blog for today. Kasi, it is at this juncture where the latest trend between me and the dragonfly seems to be evolving. Whether I must choose to let go or not is a very big question? Because foremost, I thought I have let go already. But then, I have realized, I am still hooked.
When I was a little kid, I fell from a tree but I managed to hold on to a branch. The excruciating pain of holding on was too much to bear. The sweat, the agony, the fear of what lies ahead seem to engulfed me. But at one point in time, there was the realization of the what if's. Soon, I have decided to let go. I loosened my tight grip and fell. While I was falling, yeah, I got scared but all i could remember was the feeling of freedom, that wonderful feeling of letting go. Yes, it was painful but it was better that way knowing that at the end of holding on, there would still be the pain because at one point in time, I will no longer be able to hold on and will eventually fall. So why prolong the agony when the end is still eminent?
This situation is very similar to my connection with the dragonfly.
Mahirap pala ang ganito. Parang sa ibang tao, mamimis-interpret nila ako na isang plastic, in self-denial, self-centered. But quite frankly, it comes from the bottom of my heart. Aba, mahirap yata yung lolokohin ko ang sarili kong emotion. I may be able to fool other people but I can not fool my self. And I always believe that those who fool themselves are the foolest of all the fools. Wow, i can not do that to myself.
Looking at it objectively, I came to a point of knowing an answer to why I am like this. It redounds to my emotional intelligence. I easily process my emotion because I do intrsopections so that I will be able to objectively understand this very subjective emotion. And I found out that when one understands his or her emotion together with the way he or she expresses this emotion, that person will be able to manage well that emotion and process it to a much improved or, say, a much better emotion. Yun bang, for example, if I am feeling like I am lonely because I miss a very dear person, halimbawa si dragonfly, kasi bihirang bihira ko syang makita or magtext man lang saken, nabibigyan ko yun ng rason na di nya pagtext or pagpapakita sakin. Kaya nagagawan ko ng paraan na makumbinsi ang sarili ko na di dapat ganun ang ma-feel ko as a whole. Halimbawa, I convince myself na kaya di sya nakakaganun saken kasi nag-aaral sya, busy sya dahil may exams or projects na ginagawa. Eh ako pa naman, I consider education o yung paggawa ng project at pag-aaral ng lessons to be a very valid reason.
Yan ang coping mechanism ko. For other people, cheating one's self daw but for me it is not. It is deviating through the provision of a convincing valid reason. And of course, I recourse my pre-occupation to something or someone else. But my problem at times is that, because I understand, it comes to a point that I no longer miss the person. It like I easily get accustomed to the absence or hibernation. Kung kaya, when we meet, hmm, the intensity of the emotion is no longer at the level as it was before the processing of my emotion took place.
Further, eto na. Because the passion is subsiding, when we again part ways, the degree of my missing the person, bumababa na rin. The cycle goes on until such time na, ala ng emotion or feeling attached.
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