Yepee! Excited Na Uli Ako! Weeehh!

Today is May 31, 2008 and I am in my office in the School here in Sorsogon City.

I had a difficult night yesterday. I had it again after quite sometime. Pero, as I try to look back now, I think it was meant to happen because God was telling me a very important lesson which I must be able to go through or experience first hand so that I will not forget the lessons I would be learning from it.

Yes, the experience was painful. I got hurt. Although, what really happened was just between me and the dragonfly kaya kahit papano I am confident that other matters will not be affected. Gaya nga ng supposedly my plan of enrolling today in my Doctoral Studies at the BIcol University in Legazpi City.

Hay buhay!

I enrolled in Doctor of Philosophy major in Educational Foundation in the second semester of school year 2003-2004. Unfortunately, due to some memoranda issued by my then-immediate superior requiring me to report for work on Saturday morning, hmm, I was disappointedly forced to stop furthering my post-graduate study.

But, now, thanks to the ever supportive new administration of the school where I am working in for the last 8 years, I was allowed and even encouraged to continue the course I should have finished last year.

Anyway, past is past. What is important is that at 10:15 this morning, my new registration form was marked "enrolled" and a new set of class cards were given to me by the also ever encouraging registrar of the graduate school of B.U, si Ms. Lagata.

I was all smiles at I was going through the procedure of securing clearance from the different concerned offices up to the last step. What even made me happier and more excited was that they remembered me. Is it not amazing that after 4 years of school hiatus, of not having seen them, they still remembered me? Wow! it was a fantastic feeling. Uy, kulang sa pansin ako... hahahah

But, sa totoo lang talaga, such feat this morning became even more memorable abd amazing to me because of the rollercoaster ride i had last night with my much admired Dragonfly.

Now, i feel great and I am enthusiastically looking forward to my first class on the first Saturday after June 10, 2008. And I will not allow anything to put down this gusto. I will make sure that I earn this much coveted degree within the next three years -- hopefully by March of 2010.

And ikaw naman dragonfly, kahit ginanito mo ako, now I come to realize na okay lang saken. I mean, it is not okay pero the pain has easily subsided and that I have let you go already. Basta, I am just here. Anytime you think you need my help, please do not hesitate to contact me or approach me and just like what I have done before, I will gladly extend any help I can give to you.

God bless na lang sa ating dalawa.. And just like what I have always told you: "never fail to enjoy life coz it is too short and so beautiful to be wasted."

HAHAHAHAH lab u ol... Mahal ko kayong lahat... Mwaah! HAHAHA Hay talaga dear God, mahal na mahal mo talaga ako and I appreciate it very much. Di mo ako pinababayaan. Lab u din GOD!!!! Mwaah!

Don't Play With Me

Hirap sayo kala mo porke ambait ko sayo kaya mo na akong paikutin. Tuloy napupwersa akong pag-aralan ka. Galaw mo, text style mo, pagsasalita mo, pananamit mo, routines mo, gimik mo.. Lahat, kinalikot ko na ng di mo man lang namamalayan. Kasi ba naman may mga instancesn a na nagkakarun ako ng pagdududa sayo lalo na sa intensyon at sinseridad mo.

Style ko talaga to. Akin lang. Yunik na sistema ko. Ayoko yatang pagkatapos ng lahat lahat eh ako ang maghihinagpis (huh, maghihinagpis daw ho, nosblid ako sa lalim ng tagalog na to.. ahehehe) Pero syempre, di ko naman inisip na maging kumpetisyon ito between you and me kasi nga, sa totoo lang, gusto talaga kitang maging kaibigan for life. For life ha ayoko ng temporary lang. Kaya nga lahat na yata ng pagpapapansin sayo ay ginawa ko na.

Newei, sana lang naman tingnan mo ang mga pinagsamahan natin. O baka naman eh ako lang pala ang nakisama at ikaw naman nakiride lang saken at napaniwala mo naman ako dahil lang sa sadyang kailangan mong gawin yun para makaungos sa kinasasadlakan mo. Sus, ano ba tong tagalog ko at ke lalem lalim eh.

Pero sa totoo lang, dapat kong aminin sayo na lahat ng mga oras na magkasama tayo, na magkalapit tayo, na nagkakaparinggan tayo ng tunog ng mga boses natin at nakakapagpalitan ng kuro-kuro o opinyon eh trineshur ko talaga yun. Lahat, pati yung mga text mo sineyb ko sa folders sa cellphones ko. Kasi, sarap mong kasama. Lagi mo akong napapaisip ng kung anu-anong bagay. Marami din akong natututunan sayo. Kaya nga na realize ko na importante ka talaga saken. Minsan nga, pag ala me magawa, binabasa ko mga text mo tas parang naririnig ko boses mo habang sinasabi mong mga yun.

Kaso naman bakit bigla ka na lang parang bulang naglaho? Dati, regular ang texting natin, ang pag communicate mo saken. Minsan nga, dahil sa sobrang busy ko, bigla na lang tutunog ang CP ko tas mababasa ko ang pag ahem mo. Uy, natutuwa yata ako nun ha. Sobra kasi parang filing ko mahalaga rin ako sayo, na namimis mo rin ako. Pero sa totoo lang, kahit minsan di ako nakakatex sayo ng una eh sinasariwa ko pinagsamahan natin. Napapangiti kasi ako nun. Basta, kasi ba naman, may mga kaya kang gawin na gusto ko rin sanang gawin kaso di ko naman kaya kaya parang nakikita ko na lang sarili ko sayo. Eto nga siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagagalak sayo.

Ngayon tuloy, eto ako. Filing ko ay pinasasakay mo lang ako kasi mga isang linggo kang di magpaparamdam tas kahit na itex o i miskol kita, ala ka pa ring reply. Then biglang tutunog ang CP ko kahit na past eleben na ng gabi tas mababasa kong nag text ka. Karaniwan pang sasabihin mong kakalod mo lang at nung di ka naka-reply eh ala kang load. Eh, alam ko namang nakatex ka sa iba. Pero, eto, ako naman, reply agad kahit na antoks na talaga kasi ayokong maramdaman mo na di ko pinahahalagahan ang tex lalo na ang effort mo. Pero, siyet naman, yun pala di ka naman magrereply. Tas sasabihin mo, nag expire unli mo? Hoy ano ba naman, tanga ba ang tingin mo saken. Hmm, oo minsan talaga tanga ako este nagtatanga-tangahan lang talaga.

Repasuhin mo naman muna ang script mo para di mahalatang nagpapalusot ka lang kasi kakainis. Minsan nga, dahil sa sobrang inis ko sayo para di na ako ma tempt mag text o mag miskol sayo, denilit ko talaga numbers mo. tas bigla kong narealize, siyet, may mga messages ka palang nakaseyb sa folders ko. Kaya tuloy, ayun, di na kumpleto text repartee natin kasi dinelete ko yung unang tatlong 300 message-exchanges natin from the first time na nagtext ka saken. Nagsisisi man ako, pero papano pa, ala na eh. Di ko na ma-retrieve yun. bye bye na dun sa mga messages na yun forever.

Hoy, ano ba naman? Ano ba talaga likaw ng bituka mo? Bakit mo ba to ginagawa? Pinapaikot mo ba ako? Sinsir ka ba talagang maging kaibigan ako? Ay naku, kung di lang naman, wag na. Ganito naman talaga ang buhay eh. People come and go at maaari ngang isa ka na dun. So, hello and goodbye na lang. Kasi, mas mahirap sa parte ko na mas manaig sakeng memory ang inis sa pinaggagagawa mong pag take for granted saken kesa dun sa byutipul memories natin.

Nasa sayo ang kasagutan nyan. Di kita pipiliten kasi kanya-kanya bago tayong choices at plano sa buhay. Basta ako ngayon, kung mag connect ka, fine. Kung hindi naman, ok lang. Di naman ako pinanganak na kasama ka, di ba? Pero mas ok naman talaga sana kung maging true friends tayo for life. Ya hala na, the ball is in your hands. Bahala ka na kung saan mo ibabato yan o ipapasa.

Newei, thanks pa rin. At least, you became part of my layp. Ahehe! God bless you always. Ingat po palage ha

Mahal na Talaga Kita Dumaguete

hay buhay.. kala ko nung unang dating ko dun sa lugar na yun, mabobor lang ako. kala ko, ala akong magagawa dun. kala ko alang matinong pwedeng makausap or makaklos man lang. kala ko madali kong makakalimutan ang lugar, mga tao at pati na mga insektong lalo na yung mga "kulibobog" na yun na lipad ng lipad galing sa mga puno ng mangga.

Kakainis, di pala. mali pala ako. Maling mali. Lahat ng inakala ko, talagang mali.

Una sa lahat, ngayon ko lang naenjoy mag travel sa plane kasi kasama ko buang kong kaibigan na si itit. she made my journey to and fro dumaguete and manila really exciting. kami lang yata naririnig dun sa plane -- tawanan, kwentuhan at kung anu-ano pa.

Lahat ng pwedeng picturan, pinicturan ko na talaga. Kung pwede nga lang pati mga uod dun pinicturan ko na rin. I wanted kasi to have a vivid picture of the place and the people i've met. Saya di ba pag after like 50 years (ganun?) masasariwa ko ng maigi ang experience ko na to? my first travel to negros (err, dumaguete pati na sa valencia at first stay ko sa Balud resort)

Thanks to the very hospitable family of ate alena and kuya dex. Ate at kuya daw oh.. aheheh Xempre, pati na rin sina mr and mrs icao, nanay at tatay ni ate alena. ate na namen daw oh.. hekhek Mam Icao, salamat sa masarap nyong gawa na manggo shake. Di nakakasawa. You are too good to be true po. At salamat din po sa duyan under the manggo trees, sa swing at sa bilyaran nyo. Wow, for the first time, nanalo ako. Pumasok ba naman agad ang ball #9 nung paghit ko sa ball#1. Wow, pabanda yu ha. Hmm, ngayon ko lang narealize, that's something to celebrate about. Punta tayo mcDo, burger ba! hekhekhek

Hmm, eto pa, sarap ng beer dun. Great move. Great beer. Jet li ba ang dating. Uy fetus na kuya elmer, salamat sa mga jokes nyo ha pati na rin dun sa tatlo mo pang fella waiters. Kung sino man kayo, bahala na kayo sa buhay nyo este thanks pala.

Yung mga naglilinis dun at naghahanda ng breakfast namin especially yung hot coffee - may three-in-one na iba-ibang brands.. kaso nga lang black coffee talaga gusto ko eh.. no sugar and cream at isang kutsaritang nescafe.. uy, one moment, one nescafe and drama ko.. Newei, salamat po to the max senyong lahat.. SUper linis tinirhan namin dahil din senyo. Pati yung T-haus, yung siwol, yung pentagon na upuan under that, again, manggo tree. Hayst! miss ko talaga kayo.

Hmm, kuya RR, kaw ha, pasimple ka pa dun sa pagchansing mo kay ate kim.. aheheh joke lang po. Thanks din sa pag drive mo samin mula airport hanggang dun sa haybol nina fiscal icao.

Hayst.. sobrang dami ng memories ko dun kaya nga ngayon pa laang eh atat na atat na akong bumalik dun... Suya, 4 days lang vacation ko. aba! mahal yata plane tickets noh pati na yung bus at tricycle. Ahh, i remember that tricycle driver na taga dumaguete na nedenggoy kami ng P400 sa arkila ng trike nya. Eh, kalapit lang ng lugar na pinagmanehuan nya. P15 pesos lang pala per person bayaran dun. 5 kami so dapat max na ang P75 pesos. Newei, manong naniniwala ako sa karma. Pray na lang kita kay Kuya Jesus.

Tas yung ano pa pala, yung tanawin dun. Wow, sa lahat i enjoyed the site in Forrest camp. Ganda parang hundred islands na mga pool. Sarap sigurong maligo dun. Naku kevin, enjel, josh, dazzle at jesika, wag u na akong inggitin. DI talaga me pwedeng maligo ng oras na yun dun kasi baga aalis kami ni itita pabalik ng manila ng 2PM eh magbibihis pa etcetera etcetera. Pero, may pictures naman di ba. Besides, nakapaglibot kami sa lugar na yun ni ate kim. hekhek

Speaking of Kevin and Ate Enjel, sus, kayong dalawa ha, pa shy pa kayo. Eh, shy na nga ako dinagdagan nyo pang dalawa. Ayan tuloy, di natin na enjoy ang companies natin kasi nagpapakiramdaman pa. Ngayon tuloy, eto miss ko kayong dalawa lalo pang the two of you are very nice kiddos. huhuhu salamat na lang at my YM at friendster. Ahem, nice to meet you palang dalawa. Yan ang hirap sa meeting new friends eh, makakaklose mo lang sila kung kelan pauwi na. tsk tsk tsk. Ey, happy birthday to Tita Anne ngayong araw, May 28.

Salamat din sa Local Government Unit ng Dumaguete, pati ba naman to? hahahha dahil sa pag gawa nyo nung napakalinis na bolebard at pagtanim nuong mga acacia; pati na rin dun sa paglagay nyo nung estatwa ng mga st. paul sisters. pati na rin dun sa Bellfry na sikat na landmark ng dumaguete; dun sa may ari ng Jo's Chicken Inato na kinain namin pati na yung nilagok na pineapple-carrot shake na sarap talaga. Ah, dun pa pala sa bakeshop na binilhan namin nung torones di mani, cay-cay (ah, especial to) at peanut brittle.. Muntik ko ng makalimutan yung siopao na an sarap din.

Salamat din dun sa guard ng silliman university. Nakupo ate, thanks sa sobrang bait mo samen. Pinapasok u kami kahit ala kaming ID. You are one in a million guard. Xempre naman nasa mukha namin na sadya kaming pwedeng pagkatiwalaan ba day! aheheh nakapagpapicture tuloy kami dun sa oldest building nyo, sa UN area at sa The Bell not to mention of course na naki-ihi rin kami sa cr dun sa alumni building nyo. hehehe

Sa mga mababagal na salesladies ng Lee SUper Mall, mga day, mababait talaga kayo pero pwedeng magawan nyo ng paraan na pabilisin pagkilos nyo. kasi ang haba haba na ng pila ng magbabayad sa counter eh... Peace man Peace! Newei, mura ang Dumaguete Souvenir tshirt nyo ah. Pinakamura sa buong Pinas! AT pati na yung nadagdag sa kolexon ko na sumbrerong Puma na brown...

AT higit sa lahat, can you imagine a place na super busy ang traffic pero alang aksidente kahit na ala ring traffic enforcers at traffic lights. Wow, pare, bigat ng system nyo. Epektib na epektib sana magawa rin namin yang disiplina nyo dito sa sorsogon at sa iba pang parte ng Pinas. hehehe

And finally, I thank God for such a wonderful opportunity na binigay mo sakin. Lab you God. Lab you all...

Oh, inggit kayo? hmm, wag na. Pumunta rin kayo dun tas iblog nyo rin. pex man. Di kayo magsisisi. In lab na nga talaga ako eh sa dumaguete.

The BEE Buzzed Me

Ever since i was a kid, i have always been in the garden. I would look at the different creatures in it like the busy ants that walk on queue, the green and brown caterpillars that crawl on the leaves, the colorful butterflies that sweetly kiss every scented flower they could wittingly find and of course the yellow bees that would suck the nectars and create delicious honey for anyone. The latter would make me run scared as it would sometimes fly to me, buzzing around thus frightening me.

This has always been the beautiful and funny scenario that i would enjoy doing everyday especially with the sun shining so proudly in the middle of the blue sky. I would wake up early in the morning and stay in the garden until the househelp would call me for breakfast. It was a fantastic experience. Indeed!

But the most memorable part of this garden story is when i was stung by the bee -- it BUZZED me literally.

I thought before that bees are helpful creatures yet they sting so badly. The stinging sensation would make you swell and at times would even kill you. With these in my mind, i thought that bees are generally to be avoided. As soon as I would see bees coming, i must run away and hide from it. I did not want to undergo that painful experience.

One morning, as i was doing my usual routine in the garden, a heard a bee buzzing. I should have ran away but this time it was too close to me. I stood still. I was hoping it would not notice me. But it came even nearer. I thought there is no way i could escape being stung. Surprisingly, as it was like about a ruler away from my face, i saw how beautiful the creature was. It was captivating. My pounding heart even stomped greater. My blood rushed even stronger. Then i realized, it was not a feeling of fear but of excitement. Then I saw clearly the details of its appearance. I started to appreciate it. Then, alas, i allowed myself to be stung. But, i did not feel pain. I felt a nice stingy sensation that awakened me from a seemingly deep slumber to an enormous degree of passion.

Everywhere it went, I ran after it. Soon, it became the reason why I always wanted to be in the garden. For several times, i would offer myself to be stung and once again feel the unique sensation. It was heavenly. It was totally captivating. It was a trance of something. At this point, my world circled on this specific bee. Oh no, not any other bees. Only this one!

The people in the house noticed my inclination and close connection to it. They observed i stayed longer now in the garden than in the house nor elsewhere. I thought, it was worth it. The pleasure, the happiness, those moments, the time --- they seemed to have been caught up in just one form of matter altogether. I lived and existed only with this bee. It was enough for me. It was just perfect!

Then one time, i had to go to another garden for some reasons. To my dismay, i learned that the bee went buzzing some other fellows who came to my garden. I knew it missed me too. So, I hurriedly went home thinking that if I stayed away longer, that bee would be caught by others or be engrossed and become fond in the company of those fellows. It might leave me. This thinking really scared me. I thought, my life will no longer be complete without the bee.

So I went back. But this time, i noticed something different. It was like the bee has also been awakened to the fact that it is not only me who could be in the garden; that other people do exist; that there could even be other gardens too. And these gardens may be even more beautiful. This started the sprouting of the distance between me and the bee.

Now, in as much as we would, the bee would oftentimes leave my garden and land on other flowers and even sting other people too. Initially, it was horrible for me to accept. But eventually, I learned to loosen up. I learned that no one can own other creatures. As the old saying goes: "when you are holding a bird in your hand, if you tighten your hold, the bird would die. If you loosen up, it might fly away." I chose to loosen up because, to me, what is more important is to see the bee fly alive than to see it die in my hands.

At least, i am still thankful that despite the rollercoaster ride that we have been through, the bee gave me the chance to meet it, be with it and see life colorfully and more beautifully. And, as absence makes the heart grow fonder, every time the bee visits me in my garden, i experience a better sensation and a more excitement one after the other.

May God bless you always my dearest BEE... and thank you for everything -- for giving me something to always look forward to and be excited about... You will always have a special place in my heart as long as my heart has a blood to pump... Most of all, thank you for stinging me...

DRAGONFLY

Love, like, infatuation, endearment.. whatever you call it, to me, it is just a feeling that i can choose to ignore or have myself engulfed. Frankly, i chose to be swallowed by it (and as I always had). As expected, things were doing well at the start.

I did not know this dragonfly ever existed until the time it landed on me. I saw it, looked at it and connected to it. I would test if the dragonfly would voluntarily approach (text) me, it just did. To my hearts' content of course. It was an awesome feeling to venture savoring the sensation that tingles my veins coming from my heart.

The site of my eyes on the dragonfly is so beautifully experienced and imprinted in my memory. As I looked at it, it was like i wanted to get all the details of how it looks -- the face especially, its alluring face so seductive that I could just breathe deeply and try to smell it. Ahh, how wonderful is the feeling.

It's seldom-used voice sounds like a melancholic song for me. It was a sound I could clearly remember especially in the stillness of the night in my room where it is dark. Again, this point makes me just inhale so deeply prompting me to imagine its smell.

Every place we have been seemed like paradise. Every second of my conversation with the dragonfly had been recorded in my brain. Ahh, how beautiful is my feeling of the dragonfly... The promises of it took me and blew me. The dragonfly was so captivating. It knew how to seduce me, to lure me, to attract me, to make me connected to it regardless of the distance -- to make me think about it all the time.. to imagine it...

But alas, the dragonfly all of a sudden disappeared. It stopped the rotation of my world. It crushed me. It pre-occupied me. All I could ever think of was the dragonfly. All about the dragonfly. Nothing but the dragonfly. It was a torture. Not letting me see this creature is like experiencing thousands and millions of arrows piercing through my heart, my brain, my all. I kept thinking what had gone wrong. Until now, I could get the answer. All I can remember was that my last moments with it were so sweet, so good, so touching, so wonderful.

I cried. I cried. I cried endlessly. I thought, where did the dragonfly go. What wrong have I done to deserve this kind of treatment from this dragonfly who colored my world; who provided melody to all the sounds that i can hear; who gave me the passion to look forward to the next spot where it would touch me... It has started to kill me.

Now, the same dragonfly who gave meaning to my life just gave me the reason to reverse all the things i have enjoyed. The dragonfly was just teasing me as it learned about my vulnerability. But nonetheless, i still thank, though painfully and remorsefully, this dragonfly, for dropping by my life. And I am looking forward to being with you again even if I shall wait a lifetime which I hope would not be that long.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, if you only know, MY DEAREST DRAGONFLY....

Aduy! Hay buhay!

PS: I will write on this blog my first ever encounter with the BEE..