Thursday, November 18, 2010
Prayer to St. Jude Thaddeus
O most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus -- people honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so helpless and alone. Please help to bring bring me visible and speedy assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (state your request) and that I may praise God with you always. I promise, oh blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request. Amen.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I Call Him -- Janjan
I received a text message from clea at about 9 in the evening telling me that in a couple of minutes she would be calling me here in Toronto from the Philippines. I ran to the side of the phone and waited.. then waited.. then waited.. The phone did not ring. Time passed by until it was lready 10. "An hour has passed already" I thought. I did not know what to do. Should I text her that I have been waiting for an hour already? I had a couple of yes then no but ultimately I texted her. "Been waiting for more than an hour already. Got to go to the basement now to do the laundry." A minute later, my roaming cellphone beeped. I read the message "Baba, Im already here in the delivery room. Maluwas na si Janjan".
Huwaw! I was frozen. The world stopped. I can not figure out what to do, how to react. It was spontaneous. I never thought that the much awaited moment has finally come. It was happening so fast. I couldn't believe it. The ultrasound said he is due on July 22. But hey, my first born son is about to be born. He can't wait anymore. He is finally coming.
I sighed! ALl too suddenly, I became very excited. But I had to silently go through my excitement. Nobody here in Toronto amongst my relatives know that I am an expecting father. Deep in my heart and in my soul, I was absolutely rejoicing. I was totally ecstatic. The moment of truth has finally arrived. And soon, I figured out, a little boy will be calling me "Papa".
I texted my brother "Please update me every after 30 minutes." He replied most simply and thriftily, "Yep"..
But nothing came. Not a single text. 30 minutes passed. Another. Then another. I was restless. I did not know what to do. I texted again, but alas, "message sending failed." Whatduh! I did not have a load anymore. It costs P22 per message sent. Waaaahhh.. What a timing! My patience had to be stretched, I thought to myself.
At past 12, a text came from my brother "Yahoo! Nabuhayan na!"
July 4, 2010 at past 11:45PM, Philippine Time, my first born son -- Juan Ma. Edgardo -- had his first breath at SorDoc Sorsogon.
The feeling was really insurmountable. It was a very different kind of feeling. No words can ever decribe it perfectly. But, the feeling stays there. Stays in the heart and only I can ever know what it is like. And there is just one thing that I can say, it is a feeling only Janjan can ever make me have.
And to janjan, thank you for coming into my life. Papa will never be the same again. I love you so much and I will try to be the best father you can ever have. Henceforth, I never failed to think about you. From now on, I exist because of you.
See you soon.
Mwuah!
Huwaw! I was frozen. The world stopped. I can not figure out what to do, how to react. It was spontaneous. I never thought that the much awaited moment has finally come. It was happening so fast. I couldn't believe it. The ultrasound said he is due on July 22. But hey, my first born son is about to be born. He can't wait anymore. He is finally coming.
I sighed! ALl too suddenly, I became very excited. But I had to silently go through my excitement. Nobody here in Toronto amongst my relatives know that I am an expecting father. Deep in my heart and in my soul, I was absolutely rejoicing. I was totally ecstatic. The moment of truth has finally arrived. And soon, I figured out, a little boy will be calling me "Papa".
I texted my brother "Please update me every after 30 minutes." He replied most simply and thriftily, "Yep"..
But nothing came. Not a single text. 30 minutes passed. Another. Then another. I was restless. I did not know what to do. I texted again, but alas, "message sending failed." Whatduh! I did not have a load anymore. It costs P22 per message sent. Waaaahhh.. What a timing! My patience had to be stretched, I thought to myself.
At past 12, a text came from my brother "Yahoo! Nabuhayan na!"
July 4, 2010 at past 11:45PM, Philippine Time, my first born son -- Juan Ma. Edgardo -- had his first breath at SorDoc Sorsogon.
The feeling was really insurmountable. It was a very different kind of feeling. No words can ever decribe it perfectly. But, the feeling stays there. Stays in the heart and only I can ever know what it is like. And there is just one thing that I can say, it is a feeling only Janjan can ever make me have.
And to janjan, thank you for coming into my life. Papa will never be the same again. I love you so much and I will try to be the best father you can ever have. Henceforth, I never failed to think about you. From now on, I exist because of you.
See you soon.
Mwuah!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Nice To Meet You Janjan
I am scheduled to leave Sorsogon for Manila today in time for my Commission on Filipino Overseas - Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar (CFO-PDOS) on Friday, June 11, 2010. It is the last set of activities that I am required to do before I leave the country on June 21, 2010 for Toronto, Canada. My immigrant visa expires on July 28, 2010.
Thus, three weeks prior, I asked my wife to see her obstetrician-gynecologist so she could ask her if she could undergo another ultrasound at least before I leave for Manila. Good thing, Dr. Uy-Dealca acceded to her request.
June 9 came and it is today.
I have to admit that I am mixed emotions on this aspect of todays activities. I am excited because I will be seeing that baby in my wife's womb moving, but I am also somehow scared because of some anticipations of probable defects. Anxiety is the word.
My wife went ahead to the SorDoc as soon as she received a text message from Ninang Tere. At around 10:00 in the morning, I received a text message from Madi Tere telling me to go over to SorDoc in time for the scheduled ultrasound.
I speedily went there. Good thing, Dr. Estuye was not yet there. This gave me the chance to fill-up in advance a Registration of Live Birth form together with my wife. I was happily assisted by, as always, madi Tere.
Soon, we were informed that the Ultrasonographer was already in his clinic. So, we went there.
We were allowed to view the black and white image on the ultrasound monitor. The good doctor said that it is already somehow difficult to get a glimpse of the baby's features because in this stage, the baby is already very active in the mother's womb. I am privy to this because I, for one, especially last night, saw my wife's belly move, protruded, and waved due to the baby's movements inside her tummy. It was an exciting and enjoyable site.
The doctor asked why despite the beautiful, positive report he had with my wife's previous ultrasound, she has still requested for another one. He was told that I, the father, is leaving for Canada and that I want to "meet" -- not just feel through the belly skin of my wife -- my child before he comes to earth probably on July 18, 2010.
So there went the ultrasound. The doctor could not get an immediate good view of the baby because of his active movements. He continued to tinker that equipment until, alas, the baby positioned. The doctor was able to capture the baby's back. I really saw the seemingly x-ray type of image of the baby's spinal. It was a very happy moment as far as I am concerned. Then the doctor captured another move and pointed to me the baby's hands, then the sole of it's feet, the hands. I could not put into words the wonderful feeling I am having at this moment.
He said, "I hope to get an angle which would allow you to see the baby's face." More tinkering on the equipment then that wish was soon granted. It was like the baby faced the scanning device being slid with the help of a gel on her tummy. I clearly saw and identified the forehead, the eyes, the cheeks, the nose, the mouth, the face as a whole. It seemed so clear that I was able to imagine how my baby would look like. I had that feeling that my baby faced me and we saw each other eye-to-eye. It was a moment I would always remember for the rest of my life. I felt something that is heart-warmingly unique and inspiring. Finally, the doctor pointed to that portion on the monitor and said "this is the baby's balls. So he is indeed a boy!"
PS: Janjan, my first born boy, I wrote on the Certificate of Live Birth your name "Juan Ma. Edgardo Dreu Olondriz." As a whole, your name is very spanish just like our ancestors. Juan because it means that you are God's gift to me. Ma. because I believe that true joy can be found best in simplicity, and Edgardo because it bears the names of two people who helped me in so many ways -- Edgardo (your Lolo Boy who happens to treat me as his own son because he has none) and Edgar, your Ninong Paleng, who taught me to face the challenges of life point blank and who I can depend on and trust no matter what the circumstances may be.
Anak, pardon papa if I opted not to name you Manuel. I just thought that it might pressure you somehow when people will start to compare you to me and to lolo. I am hoping that this will be for your own good. But I am calling you Janjan because deep inside me -- though it sounds like jonjon, my name of endearment -- i just feel that no other nicks can be as endearing as this because it's the name I uttered when your mama and I made you on the night of lola's birthday.
Janjan, anak, I am leaving not for my sake but for you and your mama. Your papa would like to give you the best life he can possibly give you. But, I will be back soon so we could start enjoying each other's company. Always remember that I love you since the moment your mama and I made you on October 20, 2009.. hehehe I will be thinking of you every moment that we are apart. I love and will love you more than you can ever know.
Meanwhile, I left to your mama several toys which you can play with while I am away. I also gave instructions to your mama about taking a picture of you every day that I am not with you. I also asked you mama to record, take note, and get a remembrance of your firsts. Anak, this is my way of telling you that I am trying my best to be with you all the way despite the distance. But, one day you will realize, that there are hard decisions that we need to make just like this one for the good -- in the hope of -- everyone. See you soon and may God bless all of us always..
Thus, three weeks prior, I asked my wife to see her obstetrician-gynecologist so she could ask her if she could undergo another ultrasound at least before I leave for Manila. Good thing, Dr. Uy-Dealca acceded to her request.
June 9 came and it is today.
I have to admit that I am mixed emotions on this aspect of todays activities. I am excited because I will be seeing that baby in my wife's womb moving, but I am also somehow scared because of some anticipations of probable defects. Anxiety is the word.
My wife went ahead to the SorDoc as soon as she received a text message from Ninang Tere. At around 10:00 in the morning, I received a text message from Madi Tere telling me to go over to SorDoc in time for the scheduled ultrasound.
I speedily went there. Good thing, Dr. Estuye was not yet there. This gave me the chance to fill-up in advance a Registration of Live Birth form together with my wife. I was happily assisted by, as always, madi Tere.
Soon, we were informed that the Ultrasonographer was already in his clinic. So, we went there.
We were allowed to view the black and white image on the ultrasound monitor. The good doctor said that it is already somehow difficult to get a glimpse of the baby's features because in this stage, the baby is already very active in the mother's womb. I am privy to this because I, for one, especially last night, saw my wife's belly move, protruded, and waved due to the baby's movements inside her tummy. It was an exciting and enjoyable site.
The doctor asked why despite the beautiful, positive report he had with my wife's previous ultrasound, she has still requested for another one. He was told that I, the father, is leaving for Canada and that I want to "meet" -- not just feel through the belly skin of my wife -- my child before he comes to earth probably on July 18, 2010.
So there went the ultrasound. The doctor could not get an immediate good view of the baby because of his active movements. He continued to tinker that equipment until, alas, the baby positioned. The doctor was able to capture the baby's back. I really saw the seemingly x-ray type of image of the baby's spinal. It was a very happy moment as far as I am concerned. Then the doctor captured another move and pointed to me the baby's hands, then the sole of it's feet, the hands. I could not put into words the wonderful feeling I am having at this moment.
He said, "I hope to get an angle which would allow you to see the baby's face." More tinkering on the equipment then that wish was soon granted. It was like the baby faced the scanning device being slid with the help of a gel on her tummy. I clearly saw and identified the forehead, the eyes, the cheeks, the nose, the mouth, the face as a whole. It seemed so clear that I was able to imagine how my baby would look like. I had that feeling that my baby faced me and we saw each other eye-to-eye. It was a moment I would always remember for the rest of my life. I felt something that is heart-warmingly unique and inspiring. Finally, the doctor pointed to that portion on the monitor and said "this is the baby's balls. So he is indeed a boy!"
PS: Janjan, my first born boy, I wrote on the Certificate of Live Birth your name "Juan Ma. Edgardo Dreu Olondriz." As a whole, your name is very spanish just like our ancestors. Juan because it means that you are God's gift to me. Ma. because I believe that true joy can be found best in simplicity, and Edgardo because it bears the names of two people who helped me in so many ways -- Edgardo (your Lolo Boy who happens to treat me as his own son because he has none) and Edgar, your Ninong Paleng, who taught me to face the challenges of life point blank and who I can depend on and trust no matter what the circumstances may be.
Anak, pardon papa if I opted not to name you Manuel. I just thought that it might pressure you somehow when people will start to compare you to me and to lolo. I am hoping that this will be for your own good. But I am calling you Janjan because deep inside me -- though it sounds like jonjon, my name of endearment -- i just feel that no other nicks can be as endearing as this because it's the name I uttered when your mama and I made you on the night of lola's birthday.
Janjan, anak, I am leaving not for my sake but for you and your mama. Your papa would like to give you the best life he can possibly give you. But, I will be back soon so we could start enjoying each other's company. Always remember that I love you since the moment your mama and I made you on October 20, 2009.. hehehe I will be thinking of you every moment that we are apart. I love and will love you more than you can ever know.
Meanwhile, I left to your mama several toys which you can play with while I am away. I also gave instructions to your mama about taking a picture of you every day that I am not with you. I also asked you mama to record, take note, and get a remembrance of your firsts. Anak, this is my way of telling you that I am trying my best to be with you all the way despite the distance. But, one day you will realize, that there are hard decisions that we need to make just like this one for the good -- in the hope of -- everyone. See you soon and may God bless all of us always..
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Fatherhood
I have to tell you that fatherhood has never been a part of my immediate plans. This is because of reasons other people find absurd but, to me, they are really why i am not just into it yet. I have to admit that fatherhood is a scary concept. It makes me have goosebumps and fearful and I just could not figure out how i can convince myself to overturn my belief.
The thought of having a sick child hits me bullseye. The thought of waiting for my child to come home late at night makes me frightened. The thought of my child being impregnated and ran away from makes me even more scared. The thought of not being able to provide my kids good education, good shelter, the right food, and those that they may need and want as they grow older are things which make me really stay away from this concept -- fatherhood. But I have to admit also that I think of being a father to my kids from time to time. But, as I try to wander in amazement at this concept, it suddenly gets bucked up by those scary parts of it.
But, come and behold, on November 13, one of my girlfriends told me that she is one month pregnant and I will become a father on July 18, 2010. At the first instance, I did not know what to say or think or react. It was just too much for me to comprehend. Besides, it was at the most unexpected time. I was broken to me while I was watching a movie in Gaisano-Legazpi. But i also have to admit that the first sensation that came was excitement then there came fear which I later on found to be considerable, bearable, controllable. It was like, what the heck! Here it is happening. It was a gift -- a beautiful gift that I have to accept wholeheartedly and bravely from God.
and So I did.
The thought of having a sick child hits me bullseye. The thought of waiting for my child to come home late at night makes me frightened. The thought of my child being impregnated and ran away from makes me even more scared. The thought of not being able to provide my kids good education, good shelter, the right food, and those that they may need and want as they grow older are things which make me really stay away from this concept -- fatherhood. But I have to admit also that I think of being a father to my kids from time to time. But, as I try to wander in amazement at this concept, it suddenly gets bucked up by those scary parts of it.
But, come and behold, on November 13, one of my girlfriends told me that she is one month pregnant and I will become a father on July 18, 2010. At the first instance, I did not know what to say or think or react. It was just too much for me to comprehend. Besides, it was at the most unexpected time. I was broken to me while I was watching a movie in Gaisano-Legazpi. But i also have to admit that the first sensation that came was excitement then there came fear which I later on found to be considerable, bearable, controllable. It was like, what the heck! Here it is happening. It was a gift -- a beautiful gift that I have to accept wholeheartedly and bravely from God.
and So I did.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I AM BACK
Hello everyone. I am back after several months of being out from blog world. I was so busy pre-occupied with a lot of things.
By the way, I finally got my Immigrant Visa to Canada. It expires July 28, 2010 thus I will have to leave the country by end of June 2010. Wish me luck!
I am also expecting a son per ultrasound report by July 18, 2010. Yep! this is the reason why I am mixed emotions. I am confused whether I should be happy or not when July comes. Happy because I will become a father but sad because I will be leaving for Canada.
But this is life. We can not have everything at the same time. Everything happens for a purpose and we only need to have faith in God because He knows better than we do.
Take care everyone. I will try to write something again in the days to come. I would specially like to share my innermost thoughts regarding this upcoming fatherhood.
By the way, I am still single in spite of this gift from God who my girlfriend and I will be naming "Juan Ma. Edgardo"; janjan for short. :D
God bless and take care everyone.
signing in: Dragonfly
By the way, I finally got my Immigrant Visa to Canada. It expires July 28, 2010 thus I will have to leave the country by end of June 2010. Wish me luck!
I am also expecting a son per ultrasound report by July 18, 2010. Yep! this is the reason why I am mixed emotions. I am confused whether I should be happy or not when July comes. Happy because I will become a father but sad because I will be leaving for Canada.
But this is life. We can not have everything at the same time. Everything happens for a purpose and we only need to have faith in God because He knows better than we do.
Take care everyone. I will try to write something again in the days to come. I would specially like to share my innermost thoughts regarding this upcoming fatherhood.
By the way, I am still single in spite of this gift from God who my girlfriend and I will be naming "Juan Ma. Edgardo"; janjan for short. :D
God bless and take care everyone.
signing in: Dragonfly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)