UNEXPECTEDLY d=>

Sarap pala talaga mag go-with-the-flow lang. Yun bang alang plano-plano. Yun bang imbitahan tas pag libre, go na agad. Ni hindi nga naisip yung budget at kung anu talaga mga detalye ng gagawin. Hehe nakakatuwa kasi parang you just don't know what to really expect to come out of it. Yeah, minsan nakakalito kasi nga parang nag-aantayan kayong magkakasama kung ano ang next move. But mind you ha, bilis lagi ng pangyayari. Nagkakaroon ng chance pala talaga para mamaximize yung oras. Tas enjoy nga eh.

Unexpected. Eto yung word na sakto sa nangyayari pag alang plano. Isang tinginan lang among your friends, kindatan, sabihan ng "tara", ayun, batsi na. Go na agad kung saan man naisipang pumunta. Gawi na agad kung anu napagkasunduang gawin. Hehe alang expectations, kaya alang frustrations. Every moment seems like a fruitful, meaningful one. Tawanan, kwentuhan, gawa nito, gawa nun. Ayun, at the end of the day, as you try to look back, wow, dami palang nagawa. Naging hectic pala schedule mo. Kasi nga, alang limitations na naghihinder sa creativity at, well, sa mga pwedeng gawin at kung kanino o saan.

Gaya nung nainvite ako ng mama ni idol_john2x sa Barangay Mabuhay, Bulusan kasi nga Fiesta sa kanila. July 24, 2008 at about 10AM nung mag toot-toot an CP ko. It was just a number. So ask ako kung sino, natawa xa. Si Madam pala, yung binati ko ng happy fiesta. Gamit nya 2nd CP nya. Ini-invite nya ako pumunta dun sa kanila, Mabuhay, Bulusan.. Hehehe

Pero sa totoo lang, gusto naman talaga naming pumunta ni Jade dun kasi miz na namin barkadang tunay namin. Etong invitation na 'to ang mas lalung nakapagpawala samin ng chance na wag pumunta. Auz talaga. Galing gumawa ng paraan ni God (isa pa sa mga very close friends nameng tatlo). Yung 2-day stay namen dun, wow, we were treated like family. Sarap di ba pag ganito ang treatment at sitwasyon. Di lang kapamilya, kapuso pa, pang sports pa. Nyaaay... Mula Biernes ng late afternoon of July 25 hanggang Sunday ng 10AM kami dun. It was a fun-filled, hectic stay. Sulit nga eh! Da bes!

Eto pa.. Mantakin mo, lamig ng tubig dun sa Bulusan. Wowowee! Mapapalundag ka pag naliligo ka. Hekhekhek! Eh, ako pa naman, pag gising ko automatic yan na proceed agad sa banyo xempre para umebak muna (nyaaayy) tas maligo. Siyeeet! Unang buhos ng tubig sa pwet ko, napagiggle ako. Imaginin mo na nung maliligo na ako. Lahat ng parte ng bowdee ko, nag shake... yaaawww! Lamig pero enjoy maligo. Lakas ng tubig tas wow feeling mo nasa iceland... hahahaha

Nung gabi ng Biernes, una naming ginawa yung pagpunta dun sa Dancalan beach -- mga banda 8PM para magtoma with Perlits, Idol_john2x at Jade. Surprisingly, sumama yung isa pa na barkada yata yun ni Perlits. (How sweet u naman perlits... hahaha tanda ko pa to perlits video) Tas, pina-fetch din si g.F kay idol para naman magkakila-kilala kami. Tas nung hinatid na uli, alangjah, dumating sina Ramon ng beatboiz na para bagang may nangha-hunting sa kanila and they were seeking refuge samin. hehehe exciting talaga..

Mga bandang 11:30PM na nung nagyaya si Jade na bumalik na sa haus. Pagdating dun, habang nagkukwentuhan kami, auz, lumapit si Ninong, yung isa sa mga benefactors ni idol_john2x. Namumrublema kasi alang mainvite na iba pang judges dun sa First ShowDance nila the following day. Hekhek As boyscouts as we are, nyaaay, ayun, nag suggest si idol na si idol_jon2x na lang ang pangalawang judge. Hahaha, huh! Trust yata at confidence and belief sakin ang foundation nung suggestion na yun kaya ayun, go agad me.. Aba! From makifiesta to judge.. Wutduh! Auz ah!

The following day, sabado ng umaga, July 26, 2008, aga din naming nagising uli. Pagkatapos chumibog ng breakfast, tinginan uli. Taz proceed na sa Jose Reyes Memorial High School para mag practice ang Beatboiz ng Intermission at para malaman na rin kung may mga dumating ng participants sa ShowDance. Alam nyo po kasi, si Ninong lang ang Financier at over-all chairman pero ang Beatboiz ang my idea nun.

Pagdating namin dun sa skul, may nagpapractice na. Auz.. Eto na probs kasi ma lettering na kami nung para sa backdrop ng stage. Hahaha alang marunong. Ayun, tiwala uli sakin (o binola lang ako at nagpabola naman), saken pinapagawa. Ako naman, para di mapahiya at syempre yaka ko naman talaga eh, sinimulan ko na. Si jade naman nakakita nung Nike Jordan na drawing. Dun sya nakakuha ng edeya sa figure na pandagdag sa design.

Banda alas onse y media nung pumunta na kami sa LGU open stadium kung saan gaganapin yung pakontes. Design ni idol_john2x yung curve tas sa gitna yung drawing. Sabi ko naman, dagdagan namin ng petsa "07.26.08" para yung magtiteyk ng picture, kuha pati date kung kelan ginanap yun. Halos magwawan oclock na kami natapos. Uwi kami haus nina idol_john2x to eat lunch. Pinicturan pa kami ng Tita nyang galing germany na pauwi na rin nung July 28, 2008.

In the afternoon, natuloy na rin sa wakas ang pag practice. Syempre, si jade ang nag picture ng practice para may documentation. Tas, bago kami umuwi sa haus para maligo for the showdance contest, bumalik kami dun sa stage para magpa-picture din dun sa backdrop. Aba, proud yata kami sa kinalabasan nung backdrop design ha.. hahahaha gawa namin yun from our sweats and labor of love. wow!

Nung gabi na, successful ang first showdance. Sobrang dami ng mga nanuod. Adik talaga mga taga bulusan sa dance contest.

Nauna kaming umuwi ni jade sa haus kasi hinatid pa ni idol_john2x si g.F. Magtetwelve midnight na sya nung bumalik. Kaya dun lang kami nagsimulang mag redhorse. Kwentuhan to walang sawa kami hanggang maubos ang red horse at about 3AM ng Sunday. Sleep na kami.

Sunday, habang nagkukwentuhan at about 10Am nung magyaya na si Jade to go home. Surprised talaga ako pero gaya nga ng nakagawian na, the element of surprise ang nakakapagpaexcite sa mga lakad namin. Kaya, go na kami. While driving malapait sa Dancalan beach, hahahaha, nag ehmo si Jade. Mis na daw nya agad si Idol at yung happenings..

Ayun, tapos ang kwento. Auz di ba? Fiestahan goes organizer goes inhabitants... Wutduh! AT least may naikwento na naman ako sainyo na sarap sariwain. Hahahaha

By the way, iniinvite uli kami for Semestral break ng mama ni idol_john2x.. Hmm, mahirap mangako eh kaya titingnan na lang.. Sana matuloy... heheheh

Love you all. Love you dragonfly.

Taking Responsibility

Last night was one that i never thought would come by. For the first time in about 9 months, I got irked by someone dear's seeming fear of taking responsibility. To me, when somebody asks me to take responsibility of something, I take it because it is something that I should consider as an opportunity for me to improve myself, become a better person and, in the end, a newer me. It makes me stronger and more capable of doing other things. It is not the add on effort that i need to exert neither the extra time i need to spend on doing that particular thing instead of doing it for some personal stuffs; it is about the trust and confidence -- that belief in me that i can do it -- that is being reflected when someone entrusts to me a task or an endeavor that would require me to take responsibility and of course a sense of accountability.

But, a very close friend of mine who I am helping to become a more mature and much improved person -- and one day an effective manager --suddenly just made me feel he was afraid of such opportunities. How dismaying was this for me to ponder on, to think about and to accept. But, i just thought again, is it not another form of responsibility for me to face and effect good changes? hehehe

Indeed, one's point of view is very important.

I've waited despite the odds

we were supposed to meet that Sunday afternoon. But, for some reasons, we did not see each other. There was no contact between the two of us. It happened for the first time since we started seeing each other regularly. You know, the typical same place, same time. That day was historic. It was like you made me feel you did not care. I've waited and waited for minutes which turned to hours.. You did not come. You did not arrive. I did not see your face. We did not share another moment..

Then suddenly, I realized, there was no signal for smart telecoms subscribers. But still, I was there because I thought you'd also be there. I went home at about 6:00PM. The day I started with much anticipation and excitement turned gloomy and frustrating.

I slept that night thinking what went wrong. At 10:30PM, I was awakened by the beep of my cellphone. It was you saying good night. Thank God, still, for the signal was back. I replied to you with a question why you did not come to our meeting place. You said "I had a family problem to attend to." You explained some more with. I was convinced. Your reasons were logical. I could only empathize.

Now, I still thank you for coming into my life. The very least that I can do is to look forward to the next time hoping and believing despite the lack of signal, we could use our nexus through our hearts.

Missing you much. Wishing to be with you always..

I AM NOT A STAR, I JUST FEEL LIKE ONE

I am writing this specific blog tonight not because I think I owe other people some explanations about some of my codes (used to withhold identities) -- going beyond that -- but because I thought this topic is an interesting one. It is not the topic about my codes but the topic that emanated from it. From the text stimulus that I received from one of the intrigeros to his most unbelievable source to the connections they made up.

"... Minding other people's business leading to spreading badly concocted rumors brought about by wrongful establishment of connections and logic ..."

Going back to the past when I was still a kid, I have already been skepticized by some ridiculous people who did not have good past times other than looking at others and putting their own peculiar interpretations of what I do, say and,worse, think. It is quite ironic because I have always been a very private person. I locked up my thoughts and my beliefs to myself just so others will not treat me unfairly nor judge me unaccordingly.

But behold! I grew up and still got the bad shot eyes of those who witnessed me. At first, it irked me. It caused me pain. Slowly, I moved, thought and acted conforming to their expectations. I was hurting deep inside and i lived like a prisoner in my own self. Ironic because this was not the kind of scenario I thought I'd ever get involved in.

Pero, the pain subsided as I evolved. Waiting a little longer, I became more attuned to the realities of life. I have observed and I was convinced that life is not at all a bed of roses. No matter what good I do to others, there would still be some who will not be pleased. Old cliche, yes, but indeed no one can please everybody.

Do not do unto others as you would not want to do unto you. Huhumm, la la la. This has slowly became an alternative to sleeping pills for me. Everytime I heard people say this, it made my eye brows raise. I became a doubter of such straightforward quotation. To me, I found it very angelic; and I am no angel.

Soon, I became more mature. When the time people were expected to be in a relationship, flirting and courting almost everyone, I was not part of it. I rebel from the usual trend. I would just be with good friends and in other times just be on my own. I created my own world and those who wanted to be with me had to live according to the rules of my world -- my rules. It was pathetic for me to be persuaded by what others think I should be doing. I believed from the bottom of my heart that the pressure should not be external rather it should be through my own personal volition. Some people did not like this. Their utter dislike made me smile.

During crisis, I would live luxuriously. I would enjoy watching movies, riding the taxi, staying in hotels for several days, buying signature clothes, eating fancy, exotic foods. And I made sure, envious people get to see all of these. I wanna let them enjoy imagining the good, nice feelings I have. I pretended not to notice them. But, deep down, I was applauding my own act. I was bursting with gladness in every centigrade that is increased in their boiling blood of disgust to my satisfyingly happy life.

Later, I became a much improved and independent person. Hmm, natutuwa when people get pissed of my feats. I rejoice when people become so envious of me. I feel ecstatic when people talk on my back and learn about it in another time. Wow! I developed this feeling of being a star. I started to learn to shrug off what I consider to be statements made out of jealousy or envy. To me, I should even still be thankful to them for finding time to make me a subject of their conversation. It was my simple way of making them realize the value of analysis. Talking about me is indeed a good way to exercise their rusty analytical skills. Besides, I think I am really a good subject matter. Mysterious, handsome, intelligent, well-dressed, somehow moneyed, Aspen scented, with lots of nice friends who are personally hand-picked by me.. Ahh, I am a luxury.

So I moved on with my life. I am what I am because this is what I want myself to be. Those who come in front of me don't last a day or two. They are blown away by my subtly passionate spell. In just one wave of my magic wand, they are out and they get their own freebies too. Out they go! Splash they arrive on their mud of disgrace. But this does not mean I start this, I wait until someone starts it. I am not quarrelsome. But I do not run away from one. I use my head. I do not use my heart. I analyze things. I gather all the resources. I prepare well. I make sure the other one ends up crashed and molecular.

I am not a star, I just feel like one. This the reality for me. I do not choose to be liked by others, they do. I do not choose to be hated by them, they do. I do not choose the kind of relationship they may extend to them, they do. But I choose to do what I think I must to make sure I stay happy, contented and victorious at the end of my everyday. Those who disrupt my smooth and peaceful life so I must grip until their blood runs dry. I give them a dose of their own medicines. I give them what they want for doing such cruel things to me while I continue to bear a smile on my face. All this they do not even know until it is too late for them to retract and back-out.

At the end of the day, before I go to sleep, as I rest my back on head, I look up to the ceiling and ask myself: who have again been victimized by their own selfish acts? by their indifference towards me? by the works of their own idle minds?

Hahahaha, sincerely, I smile but with a sigh hoping that people will start to learn to accept that respect begets respect, and that I do not need to be criticized by them because I do not need those and besides I am not asking a single one from them.

Do I ask money from them to buy my food, clothings, vices, etc. so that I would give them the chance to mind my business? No! I earn my own keeps and that I mind my own business. Habo ko kulog san lawas pero dai ako nadulag sa laban!

So help me God.. HAHAHAHAHA...

-=(dragonfly)=-

MAKE ME FEEL THE ANSWER..

Ang hirap ng sitwaxun eh. Di ko matanto kung ano ang dapat kong isipin at gawin. You are so unpredictable. Minsan from out of nowhere, darating ka. Tas minsan naman kung kelan kita ineexpect na darating, ala naman. Kakainis ka na ah. Porke alam mong mahal na mahal kita at mukhang di ko talaga makakayang iwanan mo at mamuhay akong ala ka.

Minsan an saya saya ko kasi parang feeling ko mahal mo na rin talaga ako. Napapaniwala mo ako ng lubusan. Kaya ako naman, sine-savor ko talaga ang bawat sandaling ito. Kay sarap kasi nga eh. Kaso, para kang bulalakaw na ura-uradang dadaan sa gitna ng dilim na gabi at gugulantangin an katahimikan upang magdulot ng galak at tuwa sa puso. Kung kelan aakalain kong tatagal ang ganitong klaseng pakiramdam, saka ka naman biglang maglalaho.

Minsan pa, ipaparamdam mo saken na mahalaga ako sayo. Pinapakita mo saken yun sa kislap ng mga mata mo. Sadyang bukal sa kalooban mo ang mga sinasabi mo saken. At ako nama'y napapaniwala mo. Magsisimula akong namnamin ang kakaibang pakiramdam na ito. Pero, sa lumaon, gaya ng dating gulong ng samahan nating dalawa, biglang mararamdaman kong para mo lamang akong binibitag. Napapanganga tuloy ako't napapaisip. Ako ba'y nililinlang mo lamang? Nakapagdududa tuloy ako sa intensyon mo.

Ang hirap kasi di ko talaga ma settle ang isyung ito tungkol sa ating dalawa -- yung tungkol sa ating dalawa dahil hindi ko makumbinsi ng lubusan at sa lahat ng pagkakataon ang sarili ko na natutunan mo na rin akong mahalin. Basta, ang alam ko, kaya ako nagkakaganito ay dahil sa tunay nga ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo. Pero, sa dulo ng bawat araw na lumilipas, naiisip at naitatanong ko sa sarili ko -- ako ba ay natutuliro lamang? Masyado lang ba akong nag iisip? Ako ba ay tama o mali?

Sana sa lumaon ay makuha ko ang kasagutan sa mga katanungan kong ito. Minsan kasi nakakaapekto sa mga desisyon ko ang puntong ito eh. At kahit ano pa man ang kasagutang ito, gaya ng ipinangako ko sayo, di kita iiwan. Lagi akong nandirito para sayo hangga't sa tingin mo'y kailangan mo ako..

Ingat ka lage.. Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita at pag-uusap..

Salamat sa ganitong mga sandali..

God bless you, my dearest dragonfly..