As I write this piece, I am wearing a smirk on my face. At times, realizing this makes me laugh. In another time, it would make me look up to the ceiling and pretend like I could see that incandescent light flickering. I would reach for its chain and pull it down so I could turn it off; then pull it down again to switch the light on. Natatawa ako. You know why? I am currently at a point when I could not decide whether to care is a gift or a curse. Hmm.. ano nga kaya?
Allow me to continue...
Ganito kasi yun.. Di ba it is so nice to know that you care for someone? AHmm, when I say care it need not purely mean na it is something leaning to the romantic side. Not that at all naman. It could be in its general sense naman. As in, yung pagpapadaba talaga of whatever kind.
Caring. A beautiful feeling. You become concerned to someone. You evolve into becoming a selfless person. Kasi nga, you are attached and you connected to another fellow. Para bagang whatever that person does, you are concerned. It is like you value someone. Na para bagang gusto mong umintindi, mag aruga, to render service, to be there always especially in times of needs. There could be several manifestations, indications, scenarios.. Basta, it is just a beautiful feeling. Masarap talaga.
However, ang nakakainis na point is when you realized naman that because of such attachment, you become a worry freak. Konting nalalaman mong in your perception eh makakasama sa taong you care about, eh para bagang gusto mo nang sumugod at pigilan sya. AT times naman, you become over protective na kung saan halos every moment you would like to see the person so you will be assured that he or she is okay. Nakakapagpakapanatag ng kalooban, di ba?
Further, pag nalaman mong may problema sya, aba!, you even act like you are a shoulder to cry on. Minsan nga, mas ikaw pa ang namumrublema. Nakakatawa pero ganun minsan, di ba? Hay Buhay! Eto pa, there are times when you would like to fly kasi nabasa mo ang text nya sa yo na emo sya at that moment. Wow! worry ka naman agad. Kasi nga, because you care, you don't like to see the person you care about na malungkot, naghihinagpis, di masaya, di enjoy, may problema.
Eto pa, pag may sakit naman sya. Nakupo! Kung pupwede lang na lahat ng santo ay tawagin mo nang sa gayun he or she will recuperate agad. Pray ka kay ganito. Pray ka kay ganun because you cannot stand seeing him or her na nasa kama lang and feeling low kasi mahina ang katawan dahil inflicted sya with fever, sipon or ubo. Awang awa ka. Exponentiated pa ang degree. Naeexaj mo talaga ang sitwasyon. Talo mo pa ang nurse kung magbantay. Minsan nga, tanung ka ng tanung ng "are you ok?" o "how are you feeling na?" or "are you hungry?" or "do you need anything?" or "Naiinitan ka ba?" or "may kailangan ka ba?" or "what should I do to make you ease your situation?" Without you realizing na naeestorbo na tuloy yung nagpapahingang pasyente mo dahil sa, wow!, too much show of concern mo. Hay talaga, grabe na toh! Pero, totoo naman kasi, di ba? Kasi nga you just care.
Masarap kasi pag ganun eh. Yung you know that you are able to show that you care; make the person feel your care and concern. Tas lalu pa kung ramdam mo rin na everything that you are doing for him or her ay appreciated nya. Mas lalo syang nagiging dependent sayo. To the point na parang he or she will not recover kung ala ka dun sa tabi nya during that healing time. Naks! So kahit napeperwisyo ka na kung tututuusin, you still unceasingly continue to render that act of caring.
Hay, sarap talaga. Hay medyo mahirap din. Pero, sulit naman eh.. Hmm.. Anyway, what is important is that you do it because you feel like doing it and you enjoy laboring for the one who you care about.
Ayos ba? hehehe
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I WAS WRONG AFTER ALL..
When my lola was on her death bed, her last words were: "Easier said than done." Yeah, I know. Been there, done that. Just like giving advices. So easy to tell one. So hard to do one to yourself. SAID-DONE. Two ironic words sometimes. Minsan, you knew what was the right thing to do. Pero, di pa rin ginawa. Minsan, you knew it was wrong, pero yun pa rin ang ginawa. Life can make a person sometimes become so pathetic, confused. At the onset, akala nya he was already 100% sure of his actions, pero at the end of the day, he ends up remorseful. He thought he was all ready to cope. Yun pala, he will be depressed.
Last week was a tumultuous week for me. UP down. Down Up. Up Up. Down Down. Flatten. Down. Up. Down. Up. Hay buhay! Nakakahilo! Nakakalito! Pag barkada ko talaga at pride ang involved, pucha!, gulung-gulo lage isip ko. Waaaah!
Let me start by saying that everybody knows how much I value people -- especially my family and friends. To me, they are God's ultimate gift to me. It is for this reason that I always try my best to be with them everytime I can. I try to share anything that I have with them because, for me, they are my person's extension. They are a part of me. They are my reflections. They are me.
It is because of this belief of mine which led me to realize when I woke up one morning that I developed some sort of quasi-rule. I would like to put it also as a form of condition, as a form of policy, somehow a request too. Do you know what this is? It is that any act of them or omission that would make me feel I am unwanted by them; ignored or, simply, taken for granted. I think, you know, parallel to this, love does not deserve indifference. Sharing should not be reciprocated with selfishness. Companionship should not be returned with isolation or social castration. Caring should not be rippled with ignoring. Well, it is not that when I do something for my friends or for my family, I expect that such favor be returned somehow. What I am trying to point out here is that at least there should be show of appreciation. I am sure that saying "thank you" or "I appreciate what you are doing to me" would not take much of their time, energy or it may not even be too much for them to do. Besides, remember, we are friends. We are family.
Time. A beautiful word. A priceless possession. An unfathomable resource. A gift of equilibrium. Precious. Equally given yet found by many to be scarce. Ironic? Truthful! Pero, in fairness to some people, there are also those who try despite the odds pero sadya talaga kasing minsan ang panahon ang di sumasang-ayon. It sounds bullshit, nakakainis, nakakatorete but it is really the reality. We have to live with it and by it. Dito rin siguro pumapasok yung concept of destiny. Perhaps, it was destined to really happen that way kaya all courses came to nil and futility.
Pero, by looking deeper into it, di naman kaya eh sadyang what we initially thought was a labor enough done was not enough after all? Kaya nga, at the end of certain situations, when everything has been said and done, we still end up regretting. We still think that what we have done was not enough. Or admittedly, we are sorry because indeed kulang talaga; or at that moment, it was really a choice.
You know what, when my chosen bestfriend died in a tragic car accident on May 16, 1991, I really promised myself that no matter what happens, i will always show my support to my friends. I will let them feel how much I value and love them. I will let them see my care and concern for them. I will let them hear my thoughts -- beautiful thoughts -- about them. Ayoko kasing magsisi na i should have said, done and shown something to them at a time when everything is too late. Ang hirap talaga kasing kalabanin ang kunsensya, ang damdaming punung-puno ng pagsisisi. I've been there. May mga nagawa ako pero may mga nakaligtaan din. Minsan by intention at times accidental. Pero in both instances there is the feeling of remorse, of regret hoping I could bring back the time. Minsan kasi, parang apology or doing something extra is not enough to repair the damage done. Mabigat isipin. Ang hirap tanggapin. But it really happened. And the after feeling strikes well and sharply.
The last incident happened yun nga end of last week. Everything was all sett, well-planned. I was only waiting for the day when it shall be executed, done, carried out. Then dahil sa pagiging onion-skinned ko, ayun, I opted to shy away from cyber space. My bestfriend who needed my presence at a time most crucial to him was intentionally frustrated by me. Sinadya ko. Galit ako eh kasi ayun may nagawa sya sakin na di ko nagustuhan. Na-ignore nya ako. Kaya nasaktan ako (parot! isa itong character trait ko na i really want to change). Kaya, i thought of returning the favor. Pucha! I was all deadset sa pag indyan ko sa kanya. Pati nga yung isa ko pang barkada nadamay ko pa. Because when I told my second friend that I will not be going, di na rin daw sya pupunta. But let me just point out that I never pressured the latter.
But I have to admit, it was really a battle for me. Galit nga ako. Gagawin ko na ang panibagong plano ko pero I was thinking, you know being the always forecasting person that I have always been (contingencies and all), baka magsisi ako sa huli. Pero, nilamon ako ng pride ko eh. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. Besides, I told myself it could be my way of teaching my friend a good lesson in valuing friends. I succeded in convincing myself. Sabi ko, never akong magsisisi at the end of this. It was afterall the right thing to do nga!
Before I went home early evening of that day, pumunta pa rin ako sa venue just so I could check if I would change my mind. I have to admit that I wanted to change. Pero, naisip ko, sometimes I have to be firm with my decision specially in situations like this kasi nga how will they give me importance if I will always understand, extend my patience, etcetera.. God knows, I wanted to stay despite the pain i was going through. Naisip ko, I will be there pero I will not tell my friend that I was there after all. Kaso, talagang at that moment, an tigas ng damdamin ko. Mas nanaig saken ang feeling brought about by having been taken for granted. Kaya, sumakay ako nga jeep, bus then went home.
Fast forward. All throughout the night, my mind was still with my friend. Di ako mapakali sa higaan ko. Naisip ko, siyeeett, I should have been there. Pero papano pa, nagawa ko na eh. Again, I told myself na pangatawanan ko na lang. Mapasamba ako. Mapasuyo. Maenarte. Nyak! At 11PM that might, my friend texted me. Sabi nya, "text naman dyan." Pero, hmm, ayun tinulugan ko na.
The following day, when I saw my celfon, ayun, muntik ko ng bugbugin ang sarili ko. Natauhan ako. Grabe! Sobra! I hit my head on the wall. Sinadya ko. It was because narealize ko na what I did last night was something really, really wrong. I became a foe to my bestfriend. I became a stranger. I was an idiot who did not deserve friendship. I was not there at my friend's side when I was being needed most importantly and urgently. How cruel of me! How assholy of me!
It hit me well. I texted. I got an immediate reply. We both apologized but more than that, we both agreed on certain things. Beyong the clouds indeed is a silverlining. Ayun, mas naging klaro samin ang mga obligations namin sa isa't isa as friends. Ganun pala yun.
Yes, there is still regret but it is now all water under the bridge. We have to cross the bridge now. It was already a spilled milk. We have to fix a new glass. I think, mas ok na kami ngayon. Pero, in my solitude, when I inevitably go back to that most unfortunate moment, I still have this bad taste in my mouth, very bad one. Masakit pa rin sakin isipin na I had to be hurt that bad for me to learn something. If only I could turn back the time... haayy..
Sa ngayon, i am praying that I will continue to improve myself as a friend to others. Hay buhay! Humility should always be a part of the foundation of a good and lasting friendship. Sadya talagang Pride should never be part of the volcabulary kasi dapat laging may nakalaang space to say "i forgive you", "i understand" and "i will always be here." The pain is lingering on. Lalo pa nung nagkita kami after that event. Kasi I wanted to make up for the lost moment, I gave my bestfriend who happened to be with his cousin a nice food treat.
During that happy moment, he presented to me the proofs of his bitter-sweet victory. ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na mahawakan yun at makita sa mukha ng pinakamatalik mong kaibigan yung saya na dulot nung pagpupunyagi nya. Pero still, Bitter-sweet kasi sabi nya, sweet kasi sa kanya napunta ang grand prize pero bitter because "ala kasi kayo dun ni jade." Ouch!
My bestfriend further told me that he initially thought I was there during the whole time witnessing his triumph. I wanted to say "yes I was there" pero I have always been honest. If I will lie, i knew I will be caught maybe not today but one day in the future. Kaya, umamin ako. I apologized so deeply and I told him how much i regret having done so. Ironically, he said "it's okay." He understood me despite everything that I have done. Such made me even more repentant. And I promised bestfriend (and also my other friends) that I will never ever gonna miss all the of his activities again. God knows I'd do this. I swear!
For you dear readers, please learn from my experience. I am telling you now. It was a lot lot harder in real life; harder than what you can imagine or visualize. Believe me. Trust me on this para di rin kayo magsisi gaya ng nangyari sakin. Besides, it is so hard to earn a true friend. But it is so easy to lose one.
Ey, when was the last time you said "i love you" or "padaba ko ikaw" to your friend? May mawawala ba sayo kung sasabihin mo to sa kanya sa oras na magkita kayo after reading this? Good luck po. God bless you all..
PS:
BTW, my proud congratulations to you Mr. John T. Frivaldo (former BSIT-1 student of TLC, SY2007-2008) for winning the 2008 Mr. CAT College in Legazpi City last Saturday, September 13, 2008 held at the Albay Astrodome... You were awesome that night idol! Hakot awards pateeee....
Last week was a tumultuous week for me. UP down. Down Up. Up Up. Down Down. Flatten. Down. Up. Down. Up. Hay buhay! Nakakahilo! Nakakalito! Pag barkada ko talaga at pride ang involved, pucha!, gulung-gulo lage isip ko. Waaaah!
Let me start by saying that everybody knows how much I value people -- especially my family and friends. To me, they are God's ultimate gift to me. It is for this reason that I always try my best to be with them everytime I can. I try to share anything that I have with them because, for me, they are my person's extension. They are a part of me. They are my reflections. They are me.
It is because of this belief of mine which led me to realize when I woke up one morning that I developed some sort of quasi-rule. I would like to put it also as a form of condition, as a form of policy, somehow a request too. Do you know what this is? It is that any act of them or omission that would make me feel I am unwanted by them; ignored or, simply, taken for granted. I think, you know, parallel to this, love does not deserve indifference. Sharing should not be reciprocated with selfishness. Companionship should not be returned with isolation or social castration. Caring should not be rippled with ignoring. Well, it is not that when I do something for my friends or for my family, I expect that such favor be returned somehow. What I am trying to point out here is that at least there should be show of appreciation. I am sure that saying "thank you" or "I appreciate what you are doing to me" would not take much of their time, energy or it may not even be too much for them to do. Besides, remember, we are friends. We are family.
Time. A beautiful word. A priceless possession. An unfathomable resource. A gift of equilibrium. Precious. Equally given yet found by many to be scarce. Ironic? Truthful! Pero, in fairness to some people, there are also those who try despite the odds pero sadya talaga kasing minsan ang panahon ang di sumasang-ayon. It sounds bullshit, nakakainis, nakakatorete but it is really the reality. We have to live with it and by it. Dito rin siguro pumapasok yung concept of destiny. Perhaps, it was destined to really happen that way kaya all courses came to nil and futility.
Pero, by looking deeper into it, di naman kaya eh sadyang what we initially thought was a labor enough done was not enough after all? Kaya nga, at the end of certain situations, when everything has been said and done, we still end up regretting. We still think that what we have done was not enough. Or admittedly, we are sorry because indeed kulang talaga; or at that moment, it was really a choice.
You know what, when my chosen bestfriend died in a tragic car accident on May 16, 1991, I really promised myself that no matter what happens, i will always show my support to my friends. I will let them feel how much I value and love them. I will let them see my care and concern for them. I will let them hear my thoughts -- beautiful thoughts -- about them. Ayoko kasing magsisi na i should have said, done and shown something to them at a time when everything is too late. Ang hirap talaga kasing kalabanin ang kunsensya, ang damdaming punung-puno ng pagsisisi. I've been there. May mga nagawa ako pero may mga nakaligtaan din. Minsan by intention at times accidental. Pero in both instances there is the feeling of remorse, of regret hoping I could bring back the time. Minsan kasi, parang apology or doing something extra is not enough to repair the damage done. Mabigat isipin. Ang hirap tanggapin. But it really happened. And the after feeling strikes well and sharply.
The last incident happened yun nga end of last week. Everything was all sett, well-planned. I was only waiting for the day when it shall be executed, done, carried out. Then dahil sa pagiging onion-skinned ko, ayun, I opted to shy away from cyber space. My bestfriend who needed my presence at a time most crucial to him was intentionally frustrated by me. Sinadya ko. Galit ako eh kasi ayun may nagawa sya sakin na di ko nagustuhan. Na-ignore nya ako. Kaya nasaktan ako (parot! isa itong character trait ko na i really want to change). Kaya, i thought of returning the favor. Pucha! I was all deadset sa pag indyan ko sa kanya. Pati nga yung isa ko pang barkada nadamay ko pa. Because when I told my second friend that I will not be going, di na rin daw sya pupunta. But let me just point out that I never pressured the latter.
But I have to admit, it was really a battle for me. Galit nga ako. Gagawin ko na ang panibagong plano ko pero I was thinking, you know being the always forecasting person that I have always been (contingencies and all), baka magsisi ako sa huli. Pero, nilamon ako ng pride ko eh. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. Besides, I told myself it could be my way of teaching my friend a good lesson in valuing friends. I succeded in convincing myself. Sabi ko, never akong magsisisi at the end of this. It was afterall the right thing to do nga!
Before I went home early evening of that day, pumunta pa rin ako sa venue just so I could check if I would change my mind. I have to admit that I wanted to change. Pero, naisip ko, sometimes I have to be firm with my decision specially in situations like this kasi nga how will they give me importance if I will always understand, extend my patience, etcetera.. God knows, I wanted to stay despite the pain i was going through. Naisip ko, I will be there pero I will not tell my friend that I was there after all. Kaso, talagang at that moment, an tigas ng damdamin ko. Mas nanaig saken ang feeling brought about by having been taken for granted. Kaya, sumakay ako nga jeep, bus then went home.
Fast forward. All throughout the night, my mind was still with my friend. Di ako mapakali sa higaan ko. Naisip ko, siyeeett, I should have been there. Pero papano pa, nagawa ko na eh. Again, I told myself na pangatawanan ko na lang. Mapasamba ako. Mapasuyo. Maenarte. Nyak! At 11PM that might, my friend texted me. Sabi nya, "text naman dyan." Pero, hmm, ayun tinulugan ko na.
The following day, when I saw my celfon, ayun, muntik ko ng bugbugin ang sarili ko. Natauhan ako. Grabe! Sobra! I hit my head on the wall. Sinadya ko. It was because narealize ko na what I did last night was something really, really wrong. I became a foe to my bestfriend. I became a stranger. I was an idiot who did not deserve friendship. I was not there at my friend's side when I was being needed most importantly and urgently. How cruel of me! How assholy of me!
It hit me well. I texted. I got an immediate reply. We both apologized but more than that, we both agreed on certain things. Beyong the clouds indeed is a silverlining. Ayun, mas naging klaro samin ang mga obligations namin sa isa't isa as friends. Ganun pala yun.
Yes, there is still regret but it is now all water under the bridge. We have to cross the bridge now. It was already a spilled milk. We have to fix a new glass. I think, mas ok na kami ngayon. Pero, in my solitude, when I inevitably go back to that most unfortunate moment, I still have this bad taste in my mouth, very bad one. Masakit pa rin sakin isipin na I had to be hurt that bad for me to learn something. If only I could turn back the time... haayy..
Sa ngayon, i am praying that I will continue to improve myself as a friend to others. Hay buhay! Humility should always be a part of the foundation of a good and lasting friendship. Sadya talagang Pride should never be part of the volcabulary kasi dapat laging may nakalaang space to say "i forgive you", "i understand" and "i will always be here." The pain is lingering on. Lalo pa nung nagkita kami after that event. Kasi I wanted to make up for the lost moment, I gave my bestfriend who happened to be with his cousin a nice food treat.
During that happy moment, he presented to me the proofs of his bitter-sweet victory. ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na mahawakan yun at makita sa mukha ng pinakamatalik mong kaibigan yung saya na dulot nung pagpupunyagi nya. Pero still, Bitter-sweet kasi sabi nya, sweet kasi sa kanya napunta ang grand prize pero bitter because "ala kasi kayo dun ni jade." Ouch!
My bestfriend further told me that he initially thought I was there during the whole time witnessing his triumph. I wanted to say "yes I was there" pero I have always been honest. If I will lie, i knew I will be caught maybe not today but one day in the future. Kaya, umamin ako. I apologized so deeply and I told him how much i regret having done so. Ironically, he said "it's okay." He understood me despite everything that I have done. Such made me even more repentant. And I promised bestfriend (and also my other friends) that I will never ever gonna miss all the of his activities again. God knows I'd do this. I swear!
For you dear readers, please learn from my experience. I am telling you now. It was a lot lot harder in real life; harder than what you can imagine or visualize. Believe me. Trust me on this para di rin kayo magsisi gaya ng nangyari sakin. Besides, it is so hard to earn a true friend. But it is so easy to lose one.
Ey, when was the last time you said "i love you" or "padaba ko ikaw" to your friend? May mawawala ba sayo kung sasabihin mo to sa kanya sa oras na magkita kayo after reading this? Good luck po. God bless you all..
PS:
BTW, my proud congratulations to you Mr. John T. Frivaldo (former BSIT-1 student of TLC, SY2007-2008) for winning the 2008 Mr. CAT College in Legazpi City last Saturday, September 13, 2008 held at the Albay Astrodome... You were awesome that night idol! Hakot awards pateeee....
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
My teachers
Yesterday afternoon, September 9, 2008, at 2 o'clock, I went to my Basic Education Alma Mater. It used to be called Colegio dela Milagrosa. Now, it is called St. Louise de Marillac of Sorsogon. It was my first time to visit my school after fifteen years -- that is since I graduated 9th Honors from my High School Class. The feeling was really different. It was a mixed emotions for me.
When I reached the third floor of the then College building which houses the Laboure Hall, my heart pounded so fast. It was like I was having a sudden surge of the different emotions brought about my the different experiences I have had when I was in High School. Foremost, the different activities held in this same venue starting from more than 20 years ago -- first friday masses, the monthly culminating activities, pageants, contests, the recollections, the practices among so many others. It was indeed a very beautiful feeling. All positive feelings. All happiness.
I decided to walk on the center aisle as I proceeded to the area where the other judges were seated and waiting for the search for Mr. and Ms. Intrams 2008 to start. Immediately, as I reached the first line of chairs, the front ones, I was happily welcomed by my former teachers.
Wow! I was feeling ecstatic. I never imagined something like this before. They called me by my first name. It sounded just like how it was when I was still in high school. There were Mam Farenas, Mam Myrna Lacsa, Mam Norma Llovit who later corrected me by saying "now Mrs. Magdato." There was also Mam Macayana.
Immediately I had this fond memories of them. It was as if I could see things that happened before in front of me now. That was how vivid my recall was. It was fantastic. Then I smiled. I remembered specific moments that happened during the yesteryears -- so clear, so fun.. The voice even seemed to be so clear that it is as if I could still even remember it very well. I could almost hear them in my mind..
"if you see a smoke coming out from the small space between the floor and the door, then do not immediately open the door. Touch first the doorknob. If it is hot, then indeed there is fire inside. Go away from that." This was what mam myrna lacsa told us in our Home Economics class when I was in first year high school. It was when the firemen had a firedrill in our school.
"Which one is denser -- the water or the oil?" I still remember how it was asked to me by Mam Farenas, my chemistry teacher. My report then was about molecules and atoms.
"You don't have to go around the bush. Science is direct to the point." This was what Mam Lagamayo, a substitute teacher of Mam Melitante in General Science class, Freshman year. She told me this when I consumed half the tablet paper/sheet in answering her question "Is there a change in the weight of an object on the moon comparing it to its weight on earth?" She gave me one point out of the perfect 10.
"That the tao is guilty of not supporting his family, ignorance and indolence.. contrary to the laws.." Ah, I remember when Mam Llovit taught me how to properly deliver this piece of Raul Manglapus during our Public Speaking class. I learned so much from this experience including more self confidence.
"So you have heard Manuel sing 'Beth" and he had difficulty singing it because he is currently traversing puberty. His voice is in an awkward pitch." This was the similar line of Mam Leoncito (now Mrs. Doma) when I went balaguer during the audition for school choir. heheh
There were other teachers there. But I failed to recognize them anymore.
I miss the likes of Ms. Sonia Sy, my Physics teacher whose lambda and momentum words I will not forget;
Mrs. Lorna Escanilla, the very brilliant social studies teacher who I could not forget her "plus 5 will be given to Manuel because he explained the options very well.";
Miss Tuquero who I can not forget when he told one of my classmates, Rey Ramirez like "mukha kang demonyo" and when she asked me if I had prior knowledge of the content of her long quiz in Filipino because I got a perfect score.. Wow!;
I also remember my cousin/teacher, Miss Caguia who then my classmates would echo her Jollibee pronunciation (Dzuleebee)..;
There was also Ms. dechavez whose probability and possibility topics blew me away; her very difficult to understand factorial interpretation
When I reached the third floor of the then College building which houses the Laboure Hall, my heart pounded so fast. It was like I was having a sudden surge of the different emotions brought about my the different experiences I have had when I was in High School. Foremost, the different activities held in this same venue starting from more than 20 years ago -- first friday masses, the monthly culminating activities, pageants, contests, the recollections, the practices among so many others. It was indeed a very beautiful feeling. All positive feelings. All happiness.
I decided to walk on the center aisle as I proceeded to the area where the other judges were seated and waiting for the search for Mr. and Ms. Intrams 2008 to start. Immediately, as I reached the first line of chairs, the front ones, I was happily welcomed by my former teachers.
Wow! I was feeling ecstatic. I never imagined something like this before. They called me by my first name. It sounded just like how it was when I was still in high school. There were Mam Farenas, Mam Myrna Lacsa, Mam Norma Llovit who later corrected me by saying "now Mrs. Magdato." There was also Mam Macayana.
Immediately I had this fond memories of them. It was as if I could see things that happened before in front of me now. That was how vivid my recall was. It was fantastic. Then I smiled. I remembered specific moments that happened during the yesteryears -- so clear, so fun.. The voice even seemed to be so clear that it is as if I could still even remember it very well. I could almost hear them in my mind..
"if you see a smoke coming out from the small space between the floor and the door, then do not immediately open the door. Touch first the doorknob. If it is hot, then indeed there is fire inside. Go away from that." This was what mam myrna lacsa told us in our Home Economics class when I was in first year high school. It was when the firemen had a firedrill in our school.
"Which one is denser -- the water or the oil?" I still remember how it was asked to me by Mam Farenas, my chemistry teacher. My report then was about molecules and atoms.
"You don't have to go around the bush. Science is direct to the point." This was what Mam Lagamayo, a substitute teacher of Mam Melitante in General Science class, Freshman year. She told me this when I consumed half the tablet paper/sheet in answering her question "Is there a change in the weight of an object on the moon comparing it to its weight on earth?" She gave me one point out of the perfect 10.
"That the tao is guilty of not supporting his family, ignorance and indolence.. contrary to the laws.." Ah, I remember when Mam Llovit taught me how to properly deliver this piece of Raul Manglapus during our Public Speaking class. I learned so much from this experience including more self confidence.
"So you have heard Manuel sing 'Beth" and he had difficulty singing it because he is currently traversing puberty. His voice is in an awkward pitch." This was the similar line of Mam Leoncito (now Mrs. Doma) when I went balaguer during the audition for school choir. heheh
There were other teachers there. But I failed to recognize them anymore.
I miss the likes of Ms. Sonia Sy, my Physics teacher whose lambda and momentum words I will not forget;
Mrs. Lorna Escanilla, the very brilliant social studies teacher who I could not forget her "plus 5 will be given to Manuel because he explained the options very well.";
Miss Tuquero who I can not forget when he told one of my classmates, Rey Ramirez like "mukha kang demonyo" and when she asked me if I had prior knowledge of the content of her long quiz in Filipino because I got a perfect score.. Wow!;
I also remember my cousin/teacher, Miss Caguia who then my classmates would echo her Jollibee pronunciation (Dzuleebee)..;
There was also Ms. dechavez whose probability and possibility topics blew me away; her very difficult to understand factorial interpretation
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
THE PAIN OF CHOOSING
Is it not quite ironic that we are allowed to fall in love with more than one person but only at the end we find ourselves undergoing the tumultuous struggle of explicitly choosing only one? Hay buhay! Ang hirap!
You go through the scientific approach of weighing things. Doing pros and cons. Identifying SWOT - strength, weaknesses, opportunities and trends. kakainis! Pwede naman kasing lahat na lang pag bigyan pero eto, sapilitang papapiliin ka coz you can not have them all at the same time. Ang problema pati, they all seem to weigh so equally. Naka paranoid ng sobra talaga. Shit!
Si A. Ayos physically, matangkad. 5 foot 6 inches. Matalino. Di gaanong mayaman pero sobrang lambing.
Si B. AYos din naman physically pero talo talaga ni A. Pero ok pa rin. Matalino din at mabait. Di rin gaanong mayaman pero kahit di kasing lambing ni A, pero categorically, malambing pa rin. Thoughtful pa. Huh, can I now make the choice? I doubt it!
Si C. Di masyadong physically gifted ang mukha. 5 foot 2 inches ang height. Hmm, mejo chubby pero di naman talaga mataba pero makinis at may kaya. Thoughtful talaga. Lage pang nililibre ako ng chow fun!
Si D. Hmm, pinaka sa laha when it comes to physical attritbutes. Matangkad, sexy, maappeal, mabango, talented. Mabait din. Tahimik pero sweet talaga. Kaso, hmm, mejo mahina ang cognitic aspect. Minsan nagpapatawa ako pero di agad magets ang point ko. Pero, pag may additional explanation, gets na rin.
Finally, si E. Hmm, hulog na hulog ang loob ko sa kanya sa lahat pero sya naman ang sobrang nagpapahirap saken. Physically gifted, talented, mabait, okay lang sa buhay financially, kaso para akong laging pinapahabol sa kanya. IQ wise naman, katamtaman lang. DI naman bobo. Di naman genius. Basta ayos lang. Hmm, nakikita ko rin kapintasan ng mukha nya, pero tolerable talaga. Kaya nga, favorite ko sya sa lahat. Kaso, eto, mejo nagko-conflict kami sa oras.
Hirap noh?I hope marami ang puso ko so I could accomodate them all. Lahat naman sila naglo-long for my company, for my presence, for my sweet nothings, for my body... hahahaha ayos ba? Kaya ramdam ko rin naman na mahal nila ako. Kaya nga, yan pa ang mas nakakapgpahirap sa akin sa pagtitimbang sa kanila. Besides, bakit nga ba kailangan pa silang timbangin eh di naman sila ebebenta?
Hay, help! Hirap pero ganito talaga siguro ang epekto ng di naniniwala sa commitment. Takot ko na lang kasi. Siyeet! Cge, hanggang dito na lang muna. Hirap pa, pati bisyo ko na aapekuhan din. Minsan nakitoma ako, tas may matex sa kanila. Eto, alin ba ang ipa-prioritize ko di ba? Minsan pa, nagkakasabay-sabay silang maghanap ng aking mainit na pagkalinga!
huhuhu Ayoko na muna. AYOKO NA. Ayoko ng mainlab talaga. Pero, wait ang ha.. sandali kasi may nag text.
"Babe, punta naman u d2 sa haus xe nagluto aq ng favorite mong mushroom spaghetti"
Siyeet, ano ba toh? Tama na! Tama na!
You go through the scientific approach of weighing things. Doing pros and cons. Identifying SWOT - strength, weaknesses, opportunities and trends. kakainis! Pwede naman kasing lahat na lang pag bigyan pero eto, sapilitang papapiliin ka coz you can not have them all at the same time. Ang problema pati, they all seem to weigh so equally. Naka paranoid ng sobra talaga. Shit!
Si A. Ayos physically, matangkad. 5 foot 6 inches. Matalino. Di gaanong mayaman pero sobrang lambing.
Si B. AYos din naman physically pero talo talaga ni A. Pero ok pa rin. Matalino din at mabait. Di rin gaanong mayaman pero kahit di kasing lambing ni A, pero categorically, malambing pa rin. Thoughtful pa. Huh, can I now make the choice? I doubt it!
Si C. Di masyadong physically gifted ang mukha. 5 foot 2 inches ang height. Hmm, mejo chubby pero di naman talaga mataba pero makinis at may kaya. Thoughtful talaga. Lage pang nililibre ako ng chow fun!
Si D. Hmm, pinaka sa laha when it comes to physical attritbutes. Matangkad, sexy, maappeal, mabango, talented. Mabait din. Tahimik pero sweet talaga. Kaso, hmm, mejo mahina ang cognitic aspect. Minsan nagpapatawa ako pero di agad magets ang point ko. Pero, pag may additional explanation, gets na rin.
Finally, si E. Hmm, hulog na hulog ang loob ko sa kanya sa lahat pero sya naman ang sobrang nagpapahirap saken. Physically gifted, talented, mabait, okay lang sa buhay financially, kaso para akong laging pinapahabol sa kanya. IQ wise naman, katamtaman lang. DI naman bobo. Di naman genius. Basta ayos lang. Hmm, nakikita ko rin kapintasan ng mukha nya, pero tolerable talaga. Kaya nga, favorite ko sya sa lahat. Kaso, eto, mejo nagko-conflict kami sa oras.
Hirap noh?I hope marami ang puso ko so I could accomodate them all. Lahat naman sila naglo-long for my company, for my presence, for my sweet nothings, for my body... hahahaha ayos ba? Kaya ramdam ko rin naman na mahal nila ako. Kaya nga, yan pa ang mas nakakapgpahirap sa akin sa pagtitimbang sa kanila. Besides, bakit nga ba kailangan pa silang timbangin eh di naman sila ebebenta?
Hay, help! Hirap pero ganito talaga siguro ang epekto ng di naniniwala sa commitment. Takot ko na lang kasi. Siyeet! Cge, hanggang dito na lang muna. Hirap pa, pati bisyo ko na aapekuhan din. Minsan nakitoma ako, tas may matex sa kanila. Eto, alin ba ang ipa-prioritize ko di ba? Minsan pa, nagkakasabay-sabay silang maghanap ng aking mainit na pagkalinga!
huhuhu Ayoko na muna. AYOKO NA. Ayoko ng mainlab talaga. Pero, wait ang ha.. sandali kasi may nag text.
"Babe, punta naman u d2 sa haus xe nagluto aq ng favorite mong mushroom spaghetti"
Siyeet, ano ba toh? Tama na! Tama na!
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