THE PARADOX OF CARING

As I write this piece, I am wearing a smirk on my face. At times, realizing this makes me laugh. In another time, it would make me look up to the ceiling and pretend like I could see that incandescent light flickering. I would reach for its chain and pull it down so I could turn it off; then pull it down again to switch the light on. Natatawa ako. You know why? I am currently at a point when I could not decide whether to care is a gift or a curse. Hmm.. ano nga kaya?

Allow me to continue...

Ganito kasi yun.. Di ba it is so nice to know that you care for someone? AHmm, when I say care it need not purely mean na it is something leaning to the romantic side. Not that at all naman. It could be in its general sense naman. As in, yung pagpapadaba talaga of whatever kind.

Caring. A beautiful feeling. You become concerned to someone. You evolve into becoming a selfless person. Kasi nga, you are attached and you connected to another fellow. Para bagang whatever that person does, you are concerned. It is like you value someone. Na para bagang gusto mong umintindi, mag aruga, to render service, to be there always especially in times of needs. There could be several manifestations, indications, scenarios.. Basta, it is just a beautiful feeling. Masarap talaga.

However, ang nakakainis na point is when you realized naman that because of such attachment, you become a worry freak. Konting nalalaman mong in your perception eh makakasama sa taong you care about, eh para bagang gusto mo nang sumugod at pigilan sya. AT times naman, you become over protective na kung saan halos every moment you would like to see the person so you will be assured that he or she is okay. Nakakapagpakapanatag ng kalooban, di ba?

Further, pag nalaman mong may problema sya, aba!, you even act like you are a shoulder to cry on. Minsan nga, mas ikaw pa ang namumrublema. Nakakatawa pero ganun minsan, di ba? Hay Buhay! Eto pa, there are times when you would like to fly kasi nabasa mo ang text nya sa yo na emo sya at that moment. Wow! worry ka naman agad. Kasi nga, because you care, you don't like to see the person you care about na malungkot, naghihinagpis, di masaya, di enjoy, may problema.

Eto pa, pag may sakit naman sya. Nakupo! Kung pupwede lang na lahat ng santo ay tawagin mo nang sa gayun he or she will recuperate agad. Pray ka kay ganito. Pray ka kay ganun because you cannot stand seeing him or her na nasa kama lang and feeling low kasi mahina ang katawan dahil inflicted sya with fever, sipon or ubo. Awang awa ka. Exponentiated pa ang degree. Naeexaj mo talaga ang sitwasyon. Talo mo pa ang nurse kung magbantay. Minsan nga, tanung ka ng tanung ng "are you ok?" o "how are you feeling na?" or "are you hungry?" or "do you need anything?" or "Naiinitan ka ba?" or "may kailangan ka ba?" or "what should I do to make you ease your situation?" Without you realizing na naeestorbo na tuloy yung nagpapahingang pasyente mo dahil sa, wow!, too much show of concern mo. Hay talaga, grabe na toh! Pero, totoo naman kasi, di ba? Kasi nga you just care.

Masarap kasi pag ganun eh. Yung you know that you are able to show that you care; make the person feel your care and concern. Tas lalu pa kung ramdam mo rin na everything that you are doing for him or her ay appreciated nya. Mas lalo syang nagiging dependent sayo. To the point na parang he or she will not recover kung ala ka dun sa tabi nya during that healing time. Naks! So kahit napeperwisyo ka na kung tututuusin, you still unceasingly continue to render that act of caring.

Hay, sarap talaga. Hay medyo mahirap din. Pero, sulit naman eh.. Hmm.. Anyway, what is important is that you do it because you feel like doing it and you enjoy laboring for the one who you care about.

Ayos ba? hehehe