Jealous -- SeriouslY

During a long weekend a week ago, I was browsing my old facebook messenger messages when I came across this one person who I was really close with five, six, seven years ago but I seemed, for one reason or another, to have forgotten him.

I can not imagine this happened to our friendship -- not even a text to and from each other in those five years. We used to be so close -- a true picture of bromance. But, when I flew here to Canada and he graduated from college, things changed between the two of us. Too busy to even text? I am not sure. Maybe, but I think I can not use this as a reason.

Anyway, with that avalanche of thoughts from the past, I decided to send him a message. "Hi, how has life been bro?"

He was not online. A day or two passed by and nothing. Then one morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I heard my messenger's sound. It was from his account, but I immediately realized it was his common-law girlfriend who responded.

To my surprise, she knew who I was. She said her husband told her so many beautiful things about me; how close he was to me not too long ago; I good I was as a friend to him; how he idolized me. These painted a smile on my face, inevitably, but the last line shocked me. I read "He told me all of these stuff about you that he almost made me feel jealous." I said "What?????"

I truly did not know what to say or react in general. I was stunned by what she told me. I took me about a couple of minutes before I finally settled back in. Then I typed, "seriously? hahaha"

Then she said, "yeah, seriously." I was about to start writing my response when I saw the notification from the messenger saying "typing". I was like "uh oh what is she gonna tell me." Then ting. It read "My husband never described another guy friend of his this much and talked about this so passionately. He held you with highest regards and, imagine this, idolized you. To him, you are that special."

I told her I did not know that this was how I impacted to her husband. I told her that her husband is one of the closest friends I ever had.

As I was already in a hurry to go to work, I decided to ask her to say Hi t her husband from me -- to my long lost close friend. She said she will tell him that. I also tried asking for his cellphone number but the next thing I knew, she logged off.

I left an offline message in another day. When I checked for the response the other day, there was nothing. But for sure, the status was "seen".

For some reasons, this made me feel uneasy. I wonder what he said about me that made her feel that way. I could not imagine a wife feeling jealous at me. Anyway, I left it at that and I did not bother to send a message anymore as it led me to one thing: my friend does not access his facebook account or its messenger anymore because it is his wife that does that.

Then I realized, what could have I done wrong because this is not the first time that a wife or a girlfriend told me "I am jealous of you".

And honestly, I have no clue and I do not feel good about it.

Just Writing

I was watching TV on his dull Sunday afternoon when it just hit me -- whatever happened to my mto3.blogspot.com blog? Oh yeah, it has been like forever since I opened that page.

I reached for my laptop and decided to open my blog. All right, my last post was on 2014-07-14 -- it has been almost a year indeed. How time flies indeed when I am busy, all too preoccupied by a lot of things usually about work and family.

I started reading some of my blogs and it is ironic to know that I sometimes get puzzled about the subject of the blog. There are times when I could hardly remember what I wrote in here. It made me pause to think several times. It was like an opportunity to force me to look back and check on what happened not too long ago which enticed me to write something about it.

I would look out of the window, at the ceiling or even at anything my eyes would be involuntarily directed by my in-depth thought. Some of them I was so sure that was I was exactly talking about. In other times, I have doubts they might be it.

Hmmm, I wonder.. But anyway, one thing that I really like about what happened this afternoon is that I got the chance to look back through my writings and reminisce those stuff I have almost forgotten -- not because they no longer matter, but for the simple reason that something more essential has came along.

HAYST!

Bat kaya ganito ang pakiramdam ko since yesterday? I feel like i am being tickled all the time. I feel excited. Para akong di mapakali and it makes me like stopping from what i am doing. Nakakainis coz it is slowly eating me. Nakakapanibago at nakaka destroy ng focus at concentration. Nakakapagod pakiramdaman ang nangyayari sakin. It is as if it is unstoppable. Ang hirap! sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon kong to.

I know deep inside me the reason why I am undergoing this kind of tumultuous yet sweet feeling. I have not been in this situation for quite a long time now. You know, pagkatapos ng eleven years of monogamous relationship -- opo, 11 years at di pabago-bago --it is like i am going through puberty for the first time. Nyaaay! Kakainis nga eh. Nakakadyahe talaga. I am embarrassed to my own self. Worse, baka mahalata ng mga kakilala ko na at this age of mine, para akong nagtitin-ejer. Shit, my goodness, spare me!

Hahahaha!

It is a sort of a combination of freedom and incarceration. Kakainis nga eh. Nakakabopol! I have started to become as dumb as I am now. Look at what I am writing now. Ni hindi ko nga alam how I can descriptively provide the details of this account. Siyeeettt! Well, I am just hoping na people who will know what I am going through right now will not laugh at me.. Nakupo, asa pa akong di nila ako pagtatawanan. Knowing them, sus, I bet they are already making fun of me.

But, anyway, I can deny that part. I will take that to the side. That is just purely secondary to me. Who cares about their reaction to this? Although deep in my heart, alam kong mahihiya pa rin ako sa pinag-gagagawa kong ito. I mean, di nakakahiya ang nararamdaman ko pero yung actuations ko ang siyang hayst! hekhek

Pero, you know what? Sarap talaga ng ganitong feeling. Kaso ang problema? Di ko masabi sa kanya. Not because I am torpe (when I am actually one -- hahaha) but because I am afraid to take such a risk. As in very risky talaga kasi I am so happy when I am with this superbly beautiful apple of my eye pero di ko naman masabi-sabi sa kanya despite the sweet thoughts na pinapadala nya saken sa mga text at dun sa simple things na binibigay nya saken to show yung appreciation nya sa kindness, support at sweet reminders ko sa kanya.

Uy, wag ka ng kumontra. Totoo naman talagang sweet na sweet ang mga pinapadala kong text sa kanya. At i really spend quality time sa kanya. Hahahah like, ay wag na, baka for you guys who are not in this situation or kasama na rin yung pretending to be not like me pag inlababo eh sabihin nyong korning-korni ako. Hekhekhek

Anyway again, an importante sakin ay ang sarap ng pakiramdam ko. Para akong laging hinihilang pumunta sa jollibee or dun sa dating mga lugar na nakagawian na naming palipasan ng oras whether for chit-chat or somethings that is more productive . Kaya nga these places ay very memorable saken kasi dito ko syang laging nakikita at nakakasama nun. Kaya, syempre, feeling ko kasama ko sya lage even until now. Nyaaaayy! Shit, ganito ba talaga kakorni ang inlababo?

Sarap pala kahit pagtatawanan ng tao. An importante, nasasarapan ako sa connection na to. Hahaha It is like I have something to look forward to. O, di ba okey pag ganito?

O sya sya. Pagbigyan nyo na ako. Feelings ko naman to. Tas, pag kayo na rin ang nasa sitwasyon ko, I will support you as in full support. Promise!

Meantime, uy, lab u kahit di ko masabi sabi sayo ng harapan kasi baka di mo matanggap ang kagaguhan kong to. Hahahaha sowi, basta lagi akong nandito para sayo ha.. Promise!

EMOtional...

While I was browsing a friend's profile especially the pictures in one of his albums there, I suddenly came across a particular title of this picture saying "EMOtional... Parot!". This picture title suddenly hit me. It was like a thunderous flow of blood that rushed through me. I felt I quivered. I controllably trembled somehow.

I thought, hey, was the title for real? Was it really depicting the emotion he had on that picture? Does he really hate his being allegedly EMOtional sometimes just like that moment which was captured in the picture? Or was he just trying to create a facade of his real emotion?

It kept me really thinking especially that I thought my friend, my dear friend, is one honest person; one sincere person; one person who respects others more so himself. A person I admire because i thought he is soft-spoken, studious, diligent, persevering among other good character traits which he manifested when we were together.

But, hey! wait, do i need to accommodate some sort of personal reservation now? Had i misjudged him before like he was this too-good-to-be-true person? Or am i judging him wrongly now? I suddenly got confused. I really don't know. To me, it was just one topic which encouraged -- if not inevitably forced -- me into deep and thorough thinking.

Or, to give him the benefit of the doubt, it might be just his way of trying to impress the readers err viewers of his F.s. You know -- trying to be a cool guy. But, he is already a cool, nice guy kasi I will not choose him to be one of my "seemingly" close friends if he is not nice. Or, you know, was he just trying to project that "not the typical boy next door" image which seems to be, if I will base my judgment with my sisters' opinions, the type of guy of most girls. But, he is that boy-next-door type of guy kaya nga girls in school even from the elementary level up to the college level would try to get his cellphone number.. including those of the third sex. So, why change that? A lot of his male school friends envy his profile. So, again, why change that neat, school boy image into that image I got based from that picture title.

Anyway, I hate to admit to myself now but it seems i am evolving to be a reluctant friend now. And I just wish, I am wrong with my feelings; that he did not put that title -- somebody else did; that he is indeed that guy with a big dream who would do his best to achieve it with the help of his family and friends, not at the expense of any of them; that he is the good guy.

I just hope he is the same person I have known him to be kasi nanghihinayang lang talaga ako ng sobra. And besides, okay lang naman na sometimes a guy or a boy becomes EMOtional. Such state does not make us a lesser man. Even real men do cry, you know! Sana, if he considers being EhMO as being girly or feminine, it would be changed kasi he is making himself susceptible to mental whatevers at, of course, di na sya nyan completely TAO.

Sa ngayon, sana na lang na just in case you read this my dear friend, ma get mo ang point ko at hindi mo ako ma misunderstand. I only mean well for you. Nothing else. Ok? Padaba ta baga ikaw kasi I consider you my friend. I care for all my friends. Aram mo man yan. Ok? Specially that you are still young..

Cge po. God bless you always. Senxa na kung naging topic pa kita sa blog ko. hehehe Ayoko na kasing mangyari uli yung delayed reaction ko sa isa sa mga studyante ko nun tas it ended in a traumatic note sa akin. Basta, I only mean well.. Take care always.

My School Year-End Difference

I have been in this school as I have mentioned in my very first blog for eight years now. I had my ups and downs here just like any one would have. But this one is truly a first for me.

Every March of the year, a school goes through what we call as either Moving Up Exercises for those preparatory level pupils, or Recognition Days for non-graduating students, or Commencement Exercises for those graduating students. Since the very first time we had one of those three I aforementioned, I had always been in charge of the laying-out and production of the Program and Invitation. This task I really found to be very interesting, not to mention really difficult.

Let me give you some details of what I really go through as I do every program and invitation of the Moving Up, Recognition and the Commencement Exercises.

First, the graduation committee agrees on the flow of the program for each affair then identifies the persons who would be playing the role established in the program like who will do the invocation, opening remarks, keynote speaker, introduction of the guest speaker, etc. etc.

Secondly, the respective teachers concerned submits to me the final list of honor students with their signature on it. I encode this on the laid-out document.

Thirdly, I print the first draft and gives to the teachers concerned their copies so they could proofread the contents. They thereafter return the paper with me with their corrections if there are together with their signatures.

Fourthly, if there are errors, the correct and update the first draft then print the second one. I do the second and third steps again until such time that the program and invitation file is error-free.

Finally, when it is error free, I make the final, official draft of the document and submit it to the officer-in-charge for her or his signature. Such signature is connoted as a sign for me to contact the printing press for the production. The number of copies depend on the number of candidates for graduation multiplied by 2 (another copy for their parents) plus 50 extra copies for the instructors and invited guests.

The process seems very easy to do as a matter of fact by the way. However, it requires a lot of ink, paper and most of all patience since usually there would still be additional inclusions being submitted even at the time when the final official draft has already been submitted to the printing press. I am not complaining and I will never do so because at least the task makes me busy. (hehehe) Besides, to me, this is just a school year-end routine which I have gotten accustomed to already.

Unfortunately, this school year is really different. To me, this time it has an additional burden for me. Why? Because this year, a niece of mine is graduating from her secondary level of Basic Education. It would have been just fine had she not belonged to the top two. In short, she was vying for either the Valedictorian or Salutatorian.

This year's fight for the top spot was very tight. It is a point between Academic and Extra Curricular Activities supremacy. These two are factors that would determine the final standing of the top ten honor students. Academic ranking is 70% of the final rank while Extra Curricular Activities cover the remaining 30%.

The teachers concerned in the determination of the final ranking convene and deliberate. They provide scores for every student's participation to school activities whether within or outside of the campus, and their respective academic standing -- all according to the guidelines set by the Department of Education. After the deliberation, the committee recommends to the school head the final ranking and such is forwarded to the DepEd Office for final approval. It is only at the time when the final ranking is declared. With this, I can only complete the program and invitation at least on the same day of the announcement. This year, the announcement was done only three days prior to the graduation day. Hmm, too close to call.

But again, that is just part of the work. It even makes the activity more exciting for me since it tests my grace under pressure, right?

What is more exciting is the fact that I will have to control my mouth since I will be able to know the final ranking a little ahead of time than my niece and eventually her mother who happens to be my cousin.

Finally, it was announced that my niece is the salutatorian. Then on the same day, I received a text message from my cousin asking why her daughter placed second. I could not entertain such inquiry since doing so would be contrary to my personal belief on the separation between my personal and professional lives.

I did not even bother to inquire from the person-in-charge. For me, it was not my thing to do. If my cousin needs to clarify something, she should be the one to do it to the persons concerned.

Sadly, my cousin could not openly accept such non-transparency as to how the committee arrived at that final ranking. Thus, she decided that after the graduation, she will go to the office and ask them to explain several things. One of them, aside from the salutatorian concern, is the inclusion of a name in the Leadership Awardees.

To give you an insight about this special award, this award has been given only to those Governors of the High School Student Government Organization and also to the College Student Government Organization. This year, it is different. There are two Leadership Awardees for the Secondary Level (High School). One is the High School SGO Governor and there is another one. This situation seemed to be questionable to my cousin since her daughter is the Vice-Governor and Class President while the second awardee is only the class P.I.O.

Again, when I was asked by my cousin as to how this came about, I did not say a word. Besides, truthfully, I do not have any idea. Such action of mine is beside the fact that I do not want to delve into this since making a comment regarding this matter will put me between two bumping stones, and also because of the fact that I just happen to be the encoder of this program. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Now, what is my concern? No one will believe that I was really able to separate my duties to the school from my relationship with my cousin. There would always be at least one person in the school who will question my stand on this matter; who will think that I was the one who informed the mother of the salutatorian about all of her informations; who will question my credibility and integrity, and so on and so forth.

Whatever way this will go, I always see myself at the losing end. Right now, I am praying to God to give me guidance, enlightenment and wisdom. I am also praying for courage so that I would be able to convince myself to talk to my cousin not to continue her plan of inquiring about the details of the deliberation among others so that, at least, everything will be put to rest; so everyone could start moving onwards.

May God bless everyone.

Have Mercy, Please Give Me My Salary

Money is the core reason why one works. Money allows persons to buy anything he or she wishes -- food, clothes, house, gadgets, and even travel. Without money, how can we acquire things? Hmm, beg? Maybe not.

Every payday here in our school since the new administration assumed posts in April, the pay has mostly been late for up to 11 days -- records will show. This made everyone especially worried because 99 percent of the employees here depend on their salary. Their salary allows them to buy food for themselves and for their family; pay their respective house-help, the amortization of their houses and motorbikes, monthly electricity and water bills not to include the telephone. So when the pay is given late, the dominoes crumble down. The effects seem to cause another loss in the money they receive. Why? Penalties are imposed on those late payments of the monthly amortization.

Sadly, when this matter was brought up to the Treasurer of our school, it was not taken really well. We were even told to be still thankful because we are employed and we can continue to expect monthly salaries. Moreso, we should be thankful because despite being late in the giving of salary, at least it is just late unlike in other institutions when the salaries are given even later like 6 months late. Hay, so we should still be thankful, ha?

Sadder part here is that everyone knows that it is against the labor code but no one has the guts to refer this matter to the authorities because "it is better to receive the payslip late than not receive at all after having been fired."

The Treasurer even said that we can do a cash advance if we so like should the salary be given late. Ah, we will apply for a cash advance when our salary has been due? Ironic. Anyway, this is a sure way of manifesting good heart from the administration. They are very much willing to extend immediate help to those employees who are in need. How sympathetic ha?

May I use the old line, "alms, alms, alms... spare me please of my salary.. spare me..."

CLAIM MY CREDIT

My first post in this blog talked about how I became part of this growing school. Let me share again to you some of my thoughts regarding the ironic consequences in the triumphs the school got in some of its endeavors.

For the past seven years, my school was placed under closed campus. When I say close, the students were basically not allowed to do certain activities outside of its campus except when the endeavor was either initiated by the General Parent Teachers Organization (GPTO) of the school or, in rare circumstances, it was initiated by Local Government Units.

There have been several reasons surrounding this realm. As far as I can remember, the old administration was afraid that something bad would happen to the students like accidents. They were afraid of the repercussion it would bring to the image of the school notwithstanding the possible legal issues it will be thrown against the school.

A very specific learning-by-doing activity which I can remember that was first turned-down was the Educational Tour all over the region -- an idea which was presented beautifully by the Principal. The director then reasoned out her fears. Pessimistic as she sounded. However, a solution was presented by her. She asked the Principal to talk to the parents of the Basic Education Department to write and submit a proposal containing the planned Educational Tour. Thank God, the GPTO President agreed to the idea and this paved the way for the first ever Educational Tour. Now, every year, the GPTO would come up with a proposal and the administrator will approve.

Another example would be the participation of students in inter-school competitions like the Private Schools Athletic Association (PRISAA) and the Sorsogon Private Schools Athletic Association (SORPRISAA) meets. Before the students were allowed to compete, the students will have to go through the hurdle of securing the signatures of their respective parents to sign on the Waiver Form stating that the school will be absolved from any form of responsibility just in case any untoward incident will happen to their child/children. Usually, the student-players would emerge winners like first runner up or champion. Ironically, the school gets the credit and immediately initiates the putting up of congratulatory streamers.

In another occasion, the attention of a particular student was called because without securing the permission from the school, she joined a local pageant. The administrators believed that pageants not only degrade women, they also exploit them. Despite the "warning", the student still pushed through with the pageant. Ironically again, the administrator was the very first person to congratulate her and she even initiated the printing and putting of the congratulatory streamer when the student won the title and bagged almost all the other awards.

I also remember that time when the first junior-senior (JS) promenade was about to be done. In January of 2004, the Principal opened to the council the idea of staging a JS Prom, being one of the traditions in the life of a high school student. Unfortunately, the administrators backed-off. They feared that the parents of these students would complain again about the fees among others. To provide a solution to this seeming deadlock, the director again told the Principal to ask the Homeroom Parents of the Third Year and Fourth Year students to write and submit a proposal. Once again, the proposal was approved. In this way, the administrators were freed from the possible complaints of parents. Ironically again, at the end of the promenade, the same administrators were the first ones to articulate the beautiful impression they had about how the students bore themselves during the affair -- how classy they looked, elegant, etc. etc. etc. Bottom line here is: the administrators claimed credit for such beautiful behavior of students; that it is because of the right training the school has been giving its students.

During one of the thesis defenses of my students, the director came forth knocking down a particular student as she commented on the attitude and facial expression of the concerned student. The other panelists frankly speaking were all amazed by how good the presentation and the project itself were. Records will show the similarity in the ratings of the two other members countering the rating of the director. A year after the student graduated, she was immediately promoted as a Department Head of the company she got employed after graduation. When this news was broken to the administrators, they had one common statement: the school was on the right track in properly training the students that without such this particular student would not have reached her position easily.

I still have so many things to enumerate and share to you but it would consume the rest of my day. Again, bottom line here is: that is the old administration's way. Hey, we are now under the new administration. AND THAT I AM HAPPY AND FEELING FULFILLED AS A TEACHER KNOWING THAT MY STUDENTS ARE SOARING HIGH AND REAPING AWARDS. :-)

In my next blog, i will tell you the triumphs our school has been reaping since its new era begun. Watch out...