HAYST!

Bat kaya ganito ang pakiramdam ko since yesterday? I feel like i am being tickled all the time. I feel excited. Para akong di mapakali and it makes me like stopping from what i am doing. Nakakainis coz it is slowly eating me. Nakakapanibago at nakaka destroy ng focus at concentration. Nakakapagod pakiramdaman ang nangyayari sakin. It is as if it is unstoppable. Ang hirap! sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon kong to.

I know deep inside me the reason why I am undergoing this kind of tumultuous yet sweet feeling. I have not been in this situation for quite a long time now. You know, pagkatapos ng eleven years of monogamous relationship -- opo, 11 years at di pabago-bago --it is like i am going through puberty for the first time. Nyaaay! Kakainis nga eh. Nakakadyahe talaga. I am embarrassed to my own self. Worse, baka mahalata ng mga kakilala ko na at this age of mine, para akong nagtitin-ejer. Shit, my goodness, spare me!

Hahahaha!

It is a sort of a combination of freedom and incarceration. Kakainis nga eh. Nakakabopol! I have started to become as dumb as I am now. Look at what I am writing now. Ni hindi ko nga alam how I can descriptively provide the details of this account. Siyeeettt! Well, I am just hoping na people who will know what I am going through right now will not laugh at me.. Nakupo, asa pa akong di nila ako pagtatawanan. Knowing them, sus, I bet they are already making fun of me.

But, anyway, I can deny that part. I will take that to the side. That is just purely secondary to me. Who cares about their reaction to this? Although deep in my heart, alam kong mahihiya pa rin ako sa pinag-gagagawa kong ito. I mean, di nakakahiya ang nararamdaman ko pero yung actuations ko ang siyang hayst! hekhek

Pero, you know what? Sarap talaga ng ganitong feeling. Kaso ang problema? Di ko masabi sa kanya. Not because I am torpe (when I am actually one -- hahaha) but because I am afraid to take such a risk. As in very risky talaga kasi I am so happy when I am with this superbly beautiful apple of my eye pero di ko naman masabi-sabi sa kanya despite the sweet thoughts na pinapadala nya saken sa mga text at dun sa simple things na binibigay nya saken to show yung appreciation nya sa kindness, support at sweet reminders ko sa kanya.

Uy, wag ka ng kumontra. Totoo naman talagang sweet na sweet ang mga pinapadala kong text sa kanya. At i really spend quality time sa kanya. Hahahah like, ay wag na, baka for you guys who are not in this situation or kasama na rin yung pretending to be not like me pag inlababo eh sabihin nyong korning-korni ako. Hekhekhek

Anyway again, an importante sakin ay ang sarap ng pakiramdam ko. Para akong laging hinihilang pumunta sa jollibee or dun sa dating mga lugar na nakagawian na naming palipasan ng oras whether for chit-chat or somethings that is more productive . Kaya nga these places ay very memorable saken kasi dito ko syang laging nakikita at nakakasama nun. Kaya, syempre, feeling ko kasama ko sya lage even until now. Nyaaaayy! Shit, ganito ba talaga kakorni ang inlababo?

Sarap pala kahit pagtatawanan ng tao. An importante, nasasarapan ako sa connection na to. Hahaha It is like I have something to look forward to. O, di ba okey pag ganito?

O sya sya. Pagbigyan nyo na ako. Feelings ko naman to. Tas, pag kayo na rin ang nasa sitwasyon ko, I will support you as in full support. Promise!

Meantime, uy, lab u kahit di ko masabi sabi sayo ng harapan kasi baka di mo matanggap ang kagaguhan kong to. Hahahaha sowi, basta lagi akong nandito para sayo ha.. Promise!