I MISS YOU A LOT (NOON YUN, DI NA NGAYON)

Emotional Intelligence is defined as the ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotion of one's self, of others and of groups. It has several dimensions namely self-awareness, expression of emotion , understanding emotion, emotional reasoning, self-management of emotion, management of other's emotions and emotional self-control.

Dito ko in-anchor ang aking much delayed blog for today. Kasi, it is at this juncture where the latest trend between me and the dragonfly seems to be evolving. Whether I must choose to let go or not is a very big question? Because foremost, I thought I have let go already. But then, I have realized, I am still hooked.

When I was a little kid, I fell from a tree but I managed to hold on to a branch. The excruciating pain of holding on was too much to bear. The sweat, the agony, the fear of what lies ahead seem to engulfed me. But at one point in time, there was the realization of the what if's. Soon, I have decided to let go. I loosened my tight grip and fell. While I was falling, yeah, I got scared but all i could remember was the feeling of freedom, that wonderful feeling of letting go. Yes, it was painful but it was better that way knowing that at the end of holding on, there would still be the pain because at one point in time, I will no longer be able to hold on and will eventually fall. So why prolong the agony when the end is still eminent?

This situation is very similar to my connection with the dragonfly.

Mahirap pala ang ganito. Parang sa ibang tao, mamimis-interpret nila ako na isang plastic, in self-denial, self-centered. But quite frankly, it comes from the bottom of my heart. Aba, mahirap yata yung lolokohin ko ang sarili kong emotion. I may be able to fool other people but I can not fool my self. And I always believe that those who fool themselves are the foolest of all the fools. Wow, i can not do that to myself.

Looking at it objectively, I came to a point of knowing an answer to why I am like this. It redounds to my emotional intelligence. I easily process my emotion because I do intrsopections so that I will be able to objectively understand this very subjective emotion. And I found out that when one understands his or her emotion together with the way he or she expresses this emotion, that person will be able to manage well that emotion and process it to a much improved or, say, a much better emotion. Yun bang, for example, if I am feeling like I am lonely because I miss a very dear person, halimbawa si dragonfly, kasi bihirang bihira ko syang makita or magtext man lang saken, nabibigyan ko yun ng rason na di nya pagtext or pagpapakita sakin. Kaya nagagawan ko ng paraan na makumbinsi ang sarili ko na di dapat ganun ang ma-feel ko as a whole. Halimbawa, I convince myself na kaya di sya nakakaganun saken kasi nag-aaral sya, busy sya dahil may exams or projects na ginagawa. Eh ako pa naman, I consider education o yung paggawa ng project at pag-aaral ng lessons to be a very valid reason.

Yan ang coping mechanism ko. For other people, cheating one's self daw but for me it is not. It is deviating through the provision of a convincing valid reason. And of course, I recourse my pre-occupation to something or someone else. But my problem at times is that, because I understand, it comes to a point that I no longer miss the person. It like I easily get accustomed to the absence or hibernation. Kung kaya, when we meet, hmm, the intensity of the emotion is no longer at the level as it was before the processing of my emotion took place.

Further, eto na. Because the passion is subsiding, when we again part ways, the degree of my missing the person, bumababa na rin. The cycle goes on until such time na, ala ng emotion or feeling attached.