Indeed, judging another fellow with the way he looks can be really bad especially if you hardly know the person. Thus, I believe that impression on first instance is not lasting. It happened to me. I thought this person was something when, later I found out, the person is actually something else.
May I keep the person's identity with the code name: Nine.
Anyway, I am in my onset of 30 years and I thought that being as youthful as I try to be would allow me to really have a clear grasp of the divide that is between me and my students. I think this belief of mine is somehow true. I seem to enjoy this kind of opportunity to really get to know the seeming mysterious auras which some of my students aged between 17 and 20 have. I develop this personal touch and connection with them and because of this, I found trust. At times, they would start talking about the fancy and colorful lives that they have starting from simple things like favorite songs, hobbies to vanity insanity like tattoos and body piercing. In some cases they would open up to me about the difficulties they have had and also those they are right now going through.
To me, this state is a privilege that they bestow upon me. I oftentimes get hit on the face straight up as some of the vulgarities and out-of-nowhere revelations would strike my ear. I get stunned, stoned and abruptly get hooked into an awe of either too much astonishment or fear. It makes me keep of thinking if these things are true or just make believes.
There are those who reveal that despite their good looks and all, they seem to be filled up with so much insecurities and fears in life. They would say that they sometimes indulge in vices and get hooked with "unworthy" friends because of some family problems, a feeling of neglect in the house and, ironically, due to poverty. They long for love and affection, for some feeling of concern, for attention, for hugs and embraces so they would feel someone appreciates them. In pursuing these things, they would resort to something I find unacceptable yet doable for them. How unjust for these youngsters to go through such pains in life at this early stage!
Nine is one of them. Physically, he looks neat. He has by the way an admirable look. He is diligent and always attentively listening to the lessons. He would be inquisitive most of the time, helpful, loves to talk and funny. Yet, as I got to know him better, I realized that he is not what I thought he was. He has body pierces. He got embroiled in teen troubles in school. Almost got stubbed by standers-by. Got hit by trippers and the list continues. I got confused and it kept me thinking. Is it not amazing to know that my judgment is far from bulls eye. It makes me even think hard enough that from time to time I would just sleep through it. It hooks me into deep thinking and analysis. I wonder how others do their things.
But at the end of the day, I would end up envying them for the are living the kind of adventures I thought I have also wanted to undergo when I was young. In as much as I want to, can you imagine myself realizing and living it up? Hayst! I can not even imagine doing it in spite of my envy and wishful thinking.
Anyway, with these in my mind, let me return the title, have you ever thought I have this deepest secret of what i want to do too with the way I behave and look now? I doubt if you are sure of your positive reply. But mind you, I have and hopefully one day when I have the guts to do so, I shall have my tongue with a single pierce, my ear with earrings on just the right side, my tattoo of an eagle's wings on my groin area and, as I have already mentioned, the list goes on.
Now, who are you to judge anybody? Who am I to judge you? Why don't we just accept each other and be merry for who we are when we are with each other.
Bless us.
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